A most relevant "discussion"

Wow...controversy on my blog.

Cool.

For all the gory details of said discussion view the post before this one. There are some very "interesting" comments.

I am going to highlight the main one which became the focal point of debate. And here it is:

buffalodickdy said...
"I, like most people have been depressed. That being said, I know how bad it can make you feel- and how little that makes a difference in what the world expects of you. I am not an optimist or a pessimist. I am a realist. You must give before you get. You must never let people know you are down, as they will see a whiner. You must show strength you didn't even know you had- to get respect, instead of pity. Respect is huge- go get some!"

Very interesting.... :>)

My most immediate reaction is to say that this is my blog and I will talk about whatever bloody hell topic I choose to talk about. I do want to talk about depression and I will continue to do so. There is a fine line between expressing one's "opinion" and delivering a personal attack and it is clear to me that this individual had/has crossed the line. I am not one to tolerate such nonsense so fella....the cyber road awaits you....don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

My second response was one of puzzlement. I wrote a more generalized piece about depression...mainly citing references from a book I am reading about this topic, and trying to elicit conversation about questions posed from this said book. Surely not a post to get one's dander up so overly emotionally. This commenter took the post very personally as some sort of affront to his world views and I can only conclude that the man "doth protest too much." A psychological analysis would most likely reveal that this is a person who is afraid of their own times of feeling depressed and feels ashamed somehow. That shame translates into a projection onto others who remind him of it. Feelings of inadequacy can make people say the strangest of things.

After those momentary reactions flashed through my head, I came to the conclusion that this was a grand opportunity for others to say their piece about views on depression. And thank you to all who did come and very genuinely state their opinion. This is good...as it brings this topic to life. It isn't just about a passage from a page in a book about depression....this is about real people and how they cope and manage with this sometimes debilitating mood disorder. This stranger's comment is symbollic of what is out there in family member's and friend's attitudes about mood disorders.

I was and am shocked that such a neanderthal attitude still exists, but it clearly shows the need for more education and training to the general public about depression. I just assumed that everyone was pretty much on the same page by now in this day and age.

Let me re-state that his comments could have come from your mother, your father, you siblings, your neighbor, or co-worker. There are still many folk who do not understand the nature of depression, what it is, what it is not, and how to help themselves and/or others.

And I will say very vehemently that I do not believe this commenter's advice is a good strategy. In fact....not at all.

It is good to talk about it. It is good to tell someone you trust about your feelings especially if those feelings are leading to thoughts of harming oneself. Keeping it all in is not such a good idea as it limits your options of truly getting help.

And I especially take issue with the notion of "strength" as being defined as basically shutting up and putting up. This is not strength....this is fear. In my opinion, strength is the ability to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable....to take those risks necessary for growth and connection. As my friend Mark so eloquently put it...this other stoic John Wayne approach to emotions is...well...."bullshit."

And likewise it isn't healthy.

I have had much trauma in my life and one of the issues I used to have was that I couldn't feel anything. Even as a very young girl I didn't show pain because to do so made me fearful for my survival. I remember my mother who was severely mentally ill....being hauled away in a paddy wagon one day when I was just five years old. I watched her scream my name as police pushed her into the car and I didn't cry. Not once. As a matter of fact, I joked with the policemen. Was I "strong"? No not really. I was just in shock. I remained in shock for a good portion of my life recounting horror stories and laughing as I told them, without any appropriate emotion. It took literally years of therapy work before I could show those emotions.

There are other instances where someone actually acts upon their feelings and they commit suicide. Is it really so "strong" to not tell someone about those feelings? Do you think those family members left behind thought..."oh well...at least the one I loved was strong and didn't show their sadness." No...they aren't going to say that.

Depression is not a source of shame. It isn't a form of personal weakness. I can cite so many extraordinary people who have suffered from depression. Did Lincoln lack self respect? Was Michelangelo weak of mind? You look at the world of musicians, artists, actors, writers, poets, and even and especially comedians....and many of them will be found to suffer from depression. I suppose they are all weak and soulless too.

So be cautious of the advice given by this commenter. It is not the truth about depression as facts demonstrate. It is just an opinion....a dangerous one in my opinion....but nonetheless I am very thankful he did make it so that we can talk about this openly.

I am going to leave you with a lot of information coming from many different and varied sources, I hurriedly found on the internet and so easily. This is all out there and black and white. I assumed most people already knew all this but I am finding out otherwise.

You can be sure I will be posting lots more on this topic. More to come!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FACTS ABOUT MOOD DISORDERS

A Common Myth Proven Wrong
For many years there has been a common myth that depression is due to a personal weakness or lack of will-power. Many think that a depressed person can simply "snap out of it" by using will-power.

This is NOT True!

Depression involves a chemical imbalance in the areas of the brain that controls mood and emotion. It is a physical illness similar to diabetes or high blood pressure. A person with depression is not able to use will power to control their moods any more than a diabetic can use will power to change their blood sugar levels. This chemical imbalance may result from many different factors. People suffering from this illness often require medications and / or therapy in order to recover just as a diabetic requires insulin in order to regulate blood sugar levels.


Are Depressed People Lazy? NO! NO! NO!

No, they are not lazy! Physical symptoms are associated with depression which cause people to feel profoundly tired, and extremely unmotivated. Many people find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning and may sleep excessively during the day. In some cases they might find it difficult to fall asleep and may even awaken frequently during the night.

Another common symptom is reduced appetite resulting in weight loss or increased appetite resulting in weight gain.

Some people may even experience headaches, constipation and general aches and pains. These physical symptoms are real and often debilitating. They cannot simply be thought away.
Besides the physical symptoms, depression is also accompanied by changes in mood. People have a persistent feeling of sadness and are often unable to find pleasure in activities they once enjoyed such as hobbies, family activities, socializing, etc. Some people may have less or no desire for sexual relations. Sometimes intense irritability is also experienced which may result in short tempers and lack of patience.

Thought patterns often change. Negative thoughts, pessimism, guilt, hopelessness and helplessness are feelings often experienced with this illness. Many people have difficulty remembering, focusing and / or concentrating, and self-esteem and self-confidence is usually very low.Symptoms of anxiety are frequently prevalent with many people suffering from depression. This often results in excessive worrying, nervousness, restlessness, panic, and difficulty with sleep.

----------------------------------

"It is important to realize that depression is a true illness or disorder. It is not a sign of weakness nor does it affect those with a "lack of willpower." Depression strikes all walks of life, and does not discriminate due to race or age. It does however, affect twice as many women as men."
-------------------------------
Depression is not a passing mood. It is not a personal weakness.
------------------------------------------------

"Depression affects about 19 million people annually in the U.S. alone. Some of the most prominent and well-known individuals who have suffered from a depressive disorder include Alexander the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Patton, abolitionist John Brown, Robert E. Lee, Florence Nightingale, Sir Isaac Newton, Stephen Hawking, Charles Darwin, J.P. Morgan, Barbara Bush, Ludwig von Beethoven and Michelangelo. Not exactly people who just sit around feeling sorry for themselves."

--------------------------------------------------------
"Myth: You can will depression away. If you can’t, then you’re weak."

"Depression cannot be willed away any more than heart disease or diabetes can. It’s caused by chemical changes in the body, which cannot be overcome simply by positive thinking and grim determination. Given how much stigma is still attached to mental illness, seeking help for depression is an act of courage and strength — not weakness — on your part."

-------------------------------------------------------

"Let's demolish these five popular misconceptions about depression:

Myth #1 - You Can "Snap Out Of It

"Don't you just hate it, when you admit to feeling down, people tell you to "snap out of it?" Isn't it amazing, the impatience that develops in those that are up and don't want to be bothered with someone who is down? To them, your pessimism, your anxiety, your timidity (and possibly your full-blown depression) seem a perverse personality quirk that you yourself could easily correct if you just tried to "rise above it." In other words, they see your low mood level as a personal failing of yours. That's because despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, people still believe that dysthymia and depression are psychological disorders - are "all in your head". They think that "mood is a state of mind" and therefore must have a purely psychological cause - for which a psychological remedy must be found. Even you yourself may have held that mistaken view on occasion. In effect, they assume that you're "programmed wrong" - and they suggest you go and have yourself reprogrammed. This makes it hard to open up to anybody about low mood levels such as depression (although depression is a serious and possibly life-threatening affliction). It makes it even harder to admit to the lesser condition of being dysthymic (shy or timid, just slightly depressed) because "come on, no one ever died from it!"

On top of it, haven't we ourselves bought into the story that how we feel is our fault? That we would simply "snap out of it" if we weren't such wimps? Let's get really clear about this: You cannot snap out of it. To "snap out of" dysthymia or depression is a physical impossibility. It makes about as much sense as asking someone to "snap out of" diabetes or an underactive thyroid gland. "

"Mood is NOT a state of mind. How you feel is NOT your fault. You can NOT "snap out of" a low mood."