What I was trying to figure out...

I think I possibly made folks ponder too much with my next to last post about blogging.

I am just trying to figure out things out loud of my own parameters rather than reflecting about any sort of current reality.

I am not new to blogging....been blogging for years now....trying different sites....different themes. There seems to always come a point of re-examination for me when I ask myself..."What am I doing?" and "Why?" Blogging takes time. It can be an addiction for some. It can be a good thing or it can be a not so mentally healthy activity....more trouble than its worth. I do believe it is worth the trouble but in order for it to really work for you....in my opinion....you need to know why you are doing it in the first place.

I find Blogger to be the most pleasing of all the sites I have tried or visited. It is homey here and folks are the most genuine. There are no points to make or gift cards for writing posts or a front page list of top ten blogs with most visitors/commenters. Other sites seem to all have these lures to get people to post. Blogger is just bare bones as far as social connectivity goes. With blogger you gotta make your own community. The aspect of community is something I have thought a lot about. Maybe because in real life...for most of my life...I have missed out on some sense of community. My mother and I moved around constantly and the places we lived were the kind where you didn't want to venture outside for too many hours of the day. So any sense of community is very important to me....even when it is here on-line.

Such a strange world this computer world is. There was a comedy skit (wish I could find it now) about "friendships" especially on myspace. It showed a kid having three thousand "friends" on myspace but in real life...like one friend.

I remember when I got my diagnosis for MS. I posted about my experience...rather briefly...on another writing site. It is the thing on this particular site to rush to whomever is in current "crisis" and then flood them with well wishing comments. People write mass on-site emails notifying everyone and their grandmothers of bad news. I had written a lot for this site...and I dare say...some very well written articles...but that particular post garnished me with the most comments in my history of writing there. I had about 75 comments....90% or more from people I had never heard of before. The well meaning stranger brigade was there to my aid. It was very surreal.

Then someone else had a crisis...someone's cat died and the throngs raced to this newly catless individual to give "comfort." The next thing I wrote brought about fifteen visitors. My "fame" was very short lived indeed.

We love train wrecks don't we? One would think that there are only four celebrities in the whole wide world. Why do we know these girls by first names? Paris, Lindsey, Tara, Britney....none of them truly talented. But there they are day after day fresh in our minds because the masses want them there.

"Popularity" has very little to do with worthiness.

It makes me angry that there are so many talented people in the blogworld who get no notice. You know why? Because they don't play the game. They don't market and promote themselves. Or perhaps they are not "entertaining" enough. Real people just writing genuinely....doesn't cut it.

I have a devotion to the underdog. I like the loners. I like folk who have no agendas or motives...they just want to express themselves any way they can.

I guess I am just trying to avoid becoming what I most detest. It seems silly...so much fuss about a little blog. But it is more than that for me...this is my writing...this is my...self. I want to be true to myself. I want to write for good reasons...mentally healthy reasons. Likewise I want to connect and form friendships that mean more than a flippant comment. (which I have made more than my share of I want to tell you).

I want people to read my words not because I am some friggin trainwreck desparate for attention nor do I want to be the victim or cause of the week. I want to retain my dignity. I want to say I have some integrity.

High falutin goals for a measley blog in the middle of nowhere. I am so ridiculous...I am laughing at myself now. But hey...this is me. What can I say? I suppose I am like the grunge band (back in my day) who was fearful of mutating into god forbid..."pop" played on the radio.

I suppose getting back to my writing would be a good idea.

And now we return you to your regularly scheduled program...