Slow as Molasses

Okay get ready...I am gonna talk about MS here. Alert the media!

Today I experienced feeling as thick as molasses and just as slow. My body was not only affected but my mind was as well. And I must say that I did not like it one bit! This is probably one of the most frightening aspects of this disease to me. I knew that my motor movements could become impaired. But my mind? Please don't take my mind!

My brain may not be the best brain in the world but it has gotten me to this point in life thus far. I have survived many challenges in my life due to keeping my wits about me. I owe my brain a lot! My survival depends upon my grey matter. And now here I am wondering how I can keep my mental abilities intact.

What does it feel like?

Some people with MS describe this cognitive phenomena as being in a brain fog: "More specifically, 'brain fog' refers to a type of clouded thinking where the mind itself, the part which is used to accomplish tasks, becomes clouded, as if there is a type of 'mental cataract' obscuring 'internal' vision." For more details go to this web site.

This seems a pretty good description to me. It was as though all my thoughts were vastly slowed down to a point where coordinating them with things needing to be done proved quite a challenge. I have never felt anything like this before as usually my thoughts are racing out of the gate. I am used to multi-tasking, being alert, and responsive to my environment. It was as though there were a haze to cut through before I could access my thoughts. It isn't quite like being drunk but close enough to it. I understand now why some people with MS are mistaken for being intoxicated during an episode.

Basically you feel as though something is just not right. When you aren't used to this brain fog it can be quite frightening. It feels like yet another loss of control.

Yes it sucks.

But the good news is...is there good news? Yes there is. In an article by Anne Frederickson entitled, Multiple Sclerosis and the Self, she points out:

"At a time when they are losing control of their body, they do not also need the extra burden of believing that they are also losing control of their mind. However, Britell acknowledges that a failure to remember or concentrate is not a sign of a decline in intellect. In fact, a decline in intellect is one of the rarest cognitive dysfunctions. She notes that people with MS retain their abilities with regard to intelligence tests. They are able to reason and solve problems. Just because they are slow to respond to a question does not mean that they do not know the answer. It is rather a sign of other problems. They may not be able to connect the thought with appropriate words or may be having problems concentrating on the question. Slowness is a failure of speed rather a failure of ability."

I am not losing my intellect. I am just sometimes a little slow is all.

Anyways...I have always liked Molasses.

My futile attempt at humor today

What does a cat say on a cell phone?

Can you hear me Meow?


Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!!!

Things are just way funnier now that I have MS. Go figure!

Melatonin Dreams

I think I am gonna start writing down my dreams. Since I have been taking Melatonin to get to sleep at night, I have been dreaming every night! Before waking, I will have had these long winding dreams full of details. Had a dream the other night though which I do not recall but I must have told myself to remember one word. So I woke up repeating to myself,

"bloodstone, bloodstone, remember bloodstone."

It was very strange indeed as I had never heard of the word before. Yet somehow it was there in my unconscious mind. This is often the case for me. I will dream something and then wake up with a word that I don't have any knowledge about. I went to google this word and fully expected nothing to come up. I thought that it probably was a nonsense word my mind had created in my dream state. But no...here it is a real word and a real type of stone. And before you ask...nope...my birthday is in December and not March.

Anyways...it is very pretty stone.

Here is a site which talks about the origins and meaning behind this particular stone.

The stone is sometimes called a Martyr's stone as the red was once believed to be the blood of Christ which fell on some Jasper at the foot of the cross. Later Christians would carve scenes of the crucifixion and martyrs from this type of stone.

I had no knowledge of any of this before my dream.

I suppose I will write about my synchronicities soon. There are so many.

Who knows what anything means? Dreams, life, any of it.

More to come!

Writing about Creativity (when I am not feeling too terribly creative)

One of my passions is writing and since my MS I do still enjoy writing but sometimes my mind is so weary I can hardly think straight. Like now. lol I do think it is important to get the mind whirring as best as we can. Sometimes you gotta just kick start it is all.

Was thinking about creativity today and my recent lack of it and wrote this:

I am a collector of quotes. Whenever I see a good quote, I jot it down on a post-it. I have a zillion of them scattered about my house.

This one is about creativity.

"There is a theory that creativity arises when individuals are out of sync with their environment. To put it simply, people who fit in with their communities have insufficient motivation to risk their psyches in creating something truly new, while those who are out of sync are driven by the constant need to prove their worth. They have less to lose and more to gain." ---Gary Taubes

Interesting isn't it?

This quote was was in this book I once read, called Strange Brains and Genius: The secret lives of eccentric scientists and madmen.

So what do you think? Could this be true at some level?

I once was watching a show about creativity which talked about the 3B's: Bed, Bath, and Bus. They say a lot of folk get inspired while in bed, the bath or shower, or riding the bus, train, or driving in their cars.

I know for me I get a lot of ideas upon waking up. I have a little notebook so I can write those ideas down before they drift away. Sometimes I look at my chicken scratch later in the day and wonder what in the heck I was thinking. I too get ideas when I am in the shower and preparing for my day. And I have definitely come up with some grand schemes whilst going for a long drive. I suppose any setting where your mind can be free to wander is prime creativity landscape.

Other inspirations for me include:

Music: Try listening to different types of music and see how this influences your writing or art.

Watching films or movies. I find that after I watch any film or show with emotional depth, I am more driven to write.

Going for a walk or bike ride. I have thought of the idea of having a small tape recorder so I could record my ideas as I ride or walk. I tend to lose the train of thought once I stop my motion.

Reading other people's writing. This is why the blog world is so great in that you have so many other writers and artists to read and view and to gain new perspectives.

So how about you? What gets your creative juices percolating?

Hello Sweeties

I don't have time this morning but to jot a few notes here but just wanted to put you all at ease and especially my old friends from the blogger hood.

I have a little neurological something going on. True. Who doesn't right? And it may even have a name. But I am the same crazy quirky person I was before. And I am not going to stop. I am gonna be me.

Here is where I break out into song..."I gotta be me....!!!!"

I promise to be me here too even though I am gonna talk about some possibly uncomfortable topics. You don't have to comment if you don't wanna. I totally understand. But I am going to go there. I am going to break taboos. It is what I do.

My identity is not this disease. But yet it is here and I have to deal with it. One way I deal with things is straight on. This here blog is for me as much as anyone else. I need to talk about this.

I also need to talk about other topics. Not to worry...I am going to post stories and poems and photos and all that good stuff too. I guarantee this will be a well rounded blog.

Sometimes I am impulsive about how I do things but I did make a conscious decision here. Maybe its nuts but I feel that I am on a path of sorts. This is part of my path right now to write here and about this.

So come and stay here with me. I promise it will be okay. I will even hold your hand. :>)

More to come my lovlies...

A list!

I just love lists don't you?

Was just thinking this morning of how I want to develop this site, my baby, and I have come up with a list of categories I wish to write about. They include:

1. Sexuality (I know you guys will like that topic!)

2. Food/Diet/Supplements

3. Exercise

4. Inspiration & Hope (quotes, other people facing adversity, feel good stories)

5. Moods & depression/anxiety

6. Connecting to others: (support groups, boards, societies, etc.)

7. Coping: How to emotionally deal

8. MS Diary

9. Humor (laughter is the best medicine)

10. Mind Games (games, puzzles, teasers, to keep the mind fresh and active)

11. Stream of consciousness writing....anything goes.

12. My Passions including:

a. Poetry
b. Photography
c. Writing
d. Movies
e. Music

of course my biggest passion in life is my kids but that is a different dimension completely.

13. and the big one...as in the title.....SYNCHRONICITIES

i know...i always have these great ideas....we will see if i actually follow through.

anyways...anyone who comes here to read me...THANK YOU! i really want to make my blog worthy of your time.

Dreaming Dreams

Hi guys!

Okay now I am all settled in the blogosphere and I have focus! yay!

So now what to write about?

This morning I was thinking about dreams. I have some goals and dreams I would still love to see happen. But with the MS hovering over me like a mildewy sponge, I wonder if I can still dream these dreams.

Some months ago before I was told of my MS, I thought I might like to go back to school. I already have degrees but...I want to go for something new. What's more...I love school and I miss it so. I was thinking of getting a Masters in Occupational Therapy. Hey...the knowledge I would acquire would be good for not only me but for my son too. Then I think...I must be nuts. What a crazy idea!

We shall see...

I also want to write of course. I am having one dream fullfilled soon. I will be published in a book by next year. It is happening. Email me if you want details on that. I am new to all this being published so I am not sure what I am allowed to say on-line yet about it.

So I definitely want to continue with that theme. Who knows? Maybe I could write about MS for a magazine or something. Are there any MS magazines? Anybody know of any?

So tell me...what are some of your dreams? What do you feel stands in the way of them?

More to come....you betcha!

Simplifying

Sometimes you just get the urge to destroy things. It feels good! It is all a part of the simplification process you see. And having MS in my life makes things needlessly complex. I can't blow up my brain lesions so why not blow up a blog or two instead. You see it all makes sense to me. Not talking about this blog of course. Had another blogger blog and I just felt like...what am I doing? So I am in the process of giving up what I don't need. I want focus dammit. Connection. Support. But mainly I want to give.

My writing is a way for me to give.

I hope to share some meaningful experiences here with you.

Mostly I will talk about MS in my life but I wanna talk about other stuff too. My identity is not this disease.

I hope you will travel with me along my journey....

Moi

Questions for my readers

I thought that instead of incessantly talking about me, I would ask about you for a change! :>)

1. How long have you has MS?

2. Did you think you were crazy when you first had symptoms?

3. Are you taking any medication for your MS?

4. If you are on any meds are they working?

5. What are your worst symptoms?

6. How do you cope?

I will answer these as well after you...

Trying to stay healthy

Well here it is...already Sunday already. This is becoming my Sunday blog and that's okay. One day a week to write and think about MS is quite enough for me. I have had a good week MS-wise. No real problematic symptoms to speak of except fatigue but even that has not been so bad.

I am trying to be more healthy in small ways. First of all I am trying to get a good night's sleep. For this I am trying Melatonin. Got to say...I love Melatonin. Works like a charm for me and it also works for my son who has sleep issues.

Been reading up on fish oil and how that is beneficial for your health so I went and bought some of that.

I am drinking cranberry juice to ward off any urinary tract infections. I haven't gotten any so far but I am becoming concerned that I seem to not be able to empty my bladder completely all the time. Is it MS or age? I dunno but I am hoping the cranberry juice helps ward off any possible infections.

Trying some SAM-e for my depression. I have always battled depression. But because of my MS now...it has seemed worse. Part of it is the worry and grief over having this and part of it may be biology. I don't know. But at any rate...I am giving the SAM-e a try. It is a natural substance which helps the body to produce its own serotonin. So far I do believe it is helping me. If it is a placebo effect then so be it! I feel better.

I am also taking a daily multi-vitamin.

As I research and explore I am sure to add new things to my stay healthy regime. Feel free to tell me about anything you are doing to stay as healthy as possible.