Integrity

I may write a lot of fluff at times but there are some things I take damn seriously. One of the things I most value is integrity. If you talk the talk I expect you to walk the walk. I am very upfront with the fact that I do not respect those who lack integrity.

So many people want to sound good...and parrot the politically correct thing...without any substance to back up what they say. I will not judge a person by what they say but rather by what they do. It is a cliche but it still rings true, actions speak louder than words.

We are a culture of wannabe preachers and cheerleaders...rah rah-ing for causes without a real and tangible act of caring behind the words. We can easily see this in our government with the lack of legislation to support words about our supposed values. And we also see it in its simplest form, in our personal day to day lives with the people that we know.

I have surely mentioned this before but my youngest son has autism. I have spent years now talking with other parents, I have been involved with numerous support groups, and I had been deeply entrenched in the world of autism. In the world of disabilities a strange thing happens. People who should be coming together do not. Why? Because they find ways to divide themselves into camps of belief and political position. I feel this is the way for all disabilities and disorders. You go onto an autism forum and people are inevitably going to be arguing over what is the best methods for helping their child. They are going to be arguing about causes of autism. And they are going to be heatedly discussing who has the superior belief system with regards to disabilities.

And what I began to notice rather quickly was...the folks with the biggest mouths...the folks with the agendas of glorifying themselves as the best parents...were exactly those who were ignoring their kids. The child became a prop, a backdrop for someone's need to be right or to gain attention. Where was the child amongst all this debate and hooplah?

The same damn thing happens on Multiple Sclerosis forums and boards. People will divide themselves up into camps of those who use medications and those who don't. People will argue over who is handling things better. I have even seen folk argue about whether someone's else's diagnosis is real or not. It seems people will fuss and argue for just about any reason.

In the meantime flesh and blood people get lost in the shuffle. The need for hearing oneself preach and pontificate overshadows the opportunity for genuine giving of support!

I am becoming less and less inclined to listen to, become a part of, or contribute in any way of such debates brought about by folk who are lacking in the doing department. Don't preach your values...show me.

On a very personal level I have seen such hypocracy in action. I have a nameless close relative who volunteers with children who have disabilities. Isn't that nice? I am sure she gets lots of kudos and praise for doing as such. But yet this same woman refused to look at, talk to, or hug my child. This wonderful saint as she portrayed herself wasn't at all accepting of my son. The real deal was...she just wanted to look good to others.

Anonymous in her blog...Self Injecting Chinese Hamsters wrote so eloquently recently about the difference between real care and acceptance and that which is detached and possibly self serving:

"My mother has become very active in the National MS Society. In and of itself, this is clearly a noble and laudable thing. However, when lending abstract institutional support (i.e. - fundraising, attending dinners and galas, etc.) becomes a substitute for the commitment of lending concrete, individual, real-life support to one's own child, then there is something perverse---and indeed, pathological---about it. My mother can be active in the National MS Society, feel good about herself, and tell herself that she is "making a difference," all while systematically ignoring me and my very real needs. The National MS Society is both a substitute and an excuse for not helping out or caring in any practical, hands-on way."

Of course there are many ways to look at things yet I believe anonymous makes an excellent point that...we get so caught up in mouthing words, glorifying our points, and taking up causes that we neglect real people!

I will not jump on band wagons just to promote causes or to benefit someone's ego. The real heroes are not the ones with the biggest mouths or the largest minions. The people who truly make a difference and who earn my respect are those who are actively living their values. These are the quiet souls who are living in the trenches and helping others because they choose to....not to get some secondary gain for existential validation.


Th-th-that's all folks.