My first new year's resolution

I know what my first new year's resolution will be.

To be a better friend.

My phone rang last night. It was a friend I hadn't talked to in probably over a year. She is one of my oldest friends...going way back to high school. I had sent her a Christmas card with my phone number inviting her to call me and so she did. Sometimes it is awkward when old friends re-connect with you...you don't know what to say...it has been so long. When she called and I saw who it was on the answering machine I almost didn't pick up. I was ready to watch a netflix movie and...the fire was going in the fireplace and I was hunkering down for some cozy time. But I am glad I picked up the phone. Otherwise...you know how it is. You play phone tag with people until one or the other of you gives up for another year.

My friend has a child who has Asperger's, a form of autism. I remember the year she told me of his diagnosis. I was so overly satiated with the topic of autism. I had spent years enmeshed in my personal research in trying to help my own son who has autism. But you reach a point where you don't want to hear about it anymore...you want a "normal" life of not talking or hearing about the latest treatments or cures or what have you. Needless to say, I was not a good a listener as I could have been. And so our long distance friendship sorta faded there for awhile. There were many times she would call and...I just didn't feel like having any more conversations about autism and children and how hard it can be. I just couldn't.

About a year or so after my friend told me of her son's diagnosis...I felt a renewal of spirit and actively asked to be a volunteer...a parent who would receive phone calls from any parent with a newly diagnosed child. I wanted to do this. I was ready. So I "helped" a few folk by way of just talking to them on the phone. It seemed easier to help a stranger somehow.

I suppose the other part of this is...I was so sad and angry for my friend. And it reminded me of all of my emotions when I was going through what she was going through. It was difficult emotionally for me to talk to her. It seemed easier for me to give to someone I didn't know. I was wrong...and selfish.

At any rate...speed up time to the present...to last night...when my friend and I both were so able to talk freely. There was no awkwardness. We both had been distant for awhile and now we seem ready to resume our friendship as though nothing had happened.

Sometimes...it may be a good thing to focus upon those people we already know and love...to give ourselves to. Strange thing...we forget that simple fact at times.

Anyways...this year I resolve to be a better friend and I do hope the friends I have forgive me for not always being the best I can be.

There are some very special people out there that I want to spend more time with. :>)