Hi y'all!
Today was a busy day...went to my first MS conference. This is how I deal with things...I dive in and learn everything I can. This little conference I went to was sponsored by the National MS Society. And my consensus is...they really go out of their way to help folks with MS. Moreover...the conference was totally free including snacks and lunch.
I couldn't help but compare this conference and just how well I am treated with conferences concerning children with special needs. As there is no medication for treating autism or mental retardation and...the population is children...sad to say but there is less out there for them. At this MS conference the people for Capaxone were there peddling their wares, so....yeah I am guessing that there is more money and resources for MSers than for children with autism. But that is just a general feeling I get.
Anyways...I thought I would tell you what I learned there and possibly how I might apply this knowledge to my own life. Let's face it, most conferences are not life changing. Maybe you get a glimmer of hope or an idea that you can use but for the most part...they are so generalized that most of it can be condensed into an hour of time or less.
I am biased. I have been to a lotta conferences. I am always hopeful to learn something new...even if it one thing...then it is worth it.
I stayed for three lectures so I will do this in three parts as well and add my two cents worth!
For my friends who don't have MS...stay anyway....because these idea may be useful to you too.
The first lecture was about empowerment and goal setting. Now this was a little commonsensical to me as this was a big part of my job working in the human services field for so long. I can write a goal just about anything! Task analysis...I am there. But it was nice to be reminded of what you can do. I love talking about goals as it is right up my alley as I am a bit anal. I am one of those people who write goals for themselves for the year, for the month, for the week, and for the day. I cannot function without goals. I personally thrive on having a focus and a direction and what's more...this keeps me happier.
I am doing my best when I get to check something off my to-do list.
So what was said?
Locus of Control. The speaker talked about how people who have an internal locus of control do better at managing their illness than those with an external locus of control. Basically what this means is that the person who has an internal locus of control feels in control and personally responsible for their goals and actions. The person who has an external locus of control believes that outside forces are the reason for their dreams and actions. The person who has external locus of control will not be their best advocate for themselves as they will go along with whatever the doctor or family or others have to say. The person with external locus of control can be more of a victim. Things "happen to them." They feel they have no control over their life. The person with an internal locus of control believes that there are things they can do to help themselves and they feel responsible for their own choices.
Of course, the normal person probably vascilates between the two.
Me? Although I am a depressive, I like to think I have the internal locus of control. I know about being an advocate and I am not afraid to stand up to authority figures, family, friends, etc. to make my own choices.
Bottom line...I am responsible for my life. Nobody else.
Onto Setting Goals:
1. Realistic and specific: One of the big problems with setting goals is coming up with a goal which is concrete and do-able. Okay so you want to lose weight and have more strength? What exactly does this mean? A more specific goal would be...I want to lose 30 pounds in 6 months and be able to bench press a set number of pounds within that same time frame.
2. Small steps at your own pace: I remember when my sister's husband had a heart attack. After he was doing better, his doc told him he had better start exercising. The man had not exercised in at least a decade or more. He couldn't even envision it. It would be easy to state a goal of running on the treadmill for 30 minutes or more but this would be highly unrealistic and would needlessly frustrate him. My sister helped him by telling him that his goal was to walk on the treadmill (at a brisk pace) for five minutes. This is where he began. And now he is running and doing all sorts of exercise. But he had to start small.
I say...start with what you can already do and add on from there...building from your success. Do five minutes....then build up to ten...and so on. You do not need to do the whole enchilada right off the bat!
3. What are the most important reasons to change? This is a good question to answer. You gotta know because otherwise...the change is gonna fail. Don't do it because someone else thinks you should. Do it for you.
4. Where do you go from here? These are the lecturers questions. I would add these.
a. Where are you right now? What is your baseline? If it is weight, strength, stamina...be honest about where you are. If your goal is to spend more time with friends....how much time do you spend now? And so on and so forth.
b. Where do you want to go? This is where you write down your goal in specific terms.
c. How are you gonna get there? What methods will you use? Do you need any materials? Do you need supports from friends or family?
d. How will you know you have gotten there? What method of evaluation will you use?
5. The speaker also added: How do you envision the outcome? This is motivating but...I would have to say...please do enjoy the process. The outcome may not happen as you envision it. It is depressing to place conditions upon your happiness as in..."I can only be happy when I lose thirty pounds." or..."I will only be happy when I finish my novel." or whatever your goal may be. I feel it is more mentally healthy to say..."Hey...I gotta big rear end right now but I can still be happy." LOL You know what I'm saying?
Lastly...here is the worksheet she gave us for making changes:
1. The changes I want to make are:
2. The most important reasons I want to make these changes are:
3. My main goals for myself in making these changes are:
4. I plan to do these things to reach my goals:
5. The first steps I plan to take in changing are:
6. Some things that could interfere with my plan are:
7. Other people who could help me in changing in these ways:
8. I hope that my plan will have these positive results:
9. I will know my plan is working if:
Sources: Miller and Rollnick, 1991; Miller er al., 1995c.
I have a lot more thoughts and ideas on this topic but I will save them for another post. And I still have two more lectures to tell you about!
More to come....you betcha!
17 comments:
Fascinating. Thanks for sharing!
thanks whim...hope i didn't make this too long or preachy.
Sounds like a very worthwhile conference and the guideposts are realistic.
They're also excellent guides for living in general. Somewhat similar to the goals we used to encourage drug rehab clients to follow when I was in that business.
Hi,
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I think we disagree on our views about dying though. It seems to me that you view dying as a single moment (hence your comment that "[I] am not going to die 'right now'" and that MS "isn't fatal"). To me (as I wrote in my blog), dying is a process. In this case, my process has already been initiated by MS. There is no going back or undoing it. I am dying...just very, very slowly. This doesn't mean that I am sitting around in my room being depressed. It just means that, for me, it's much more helpful to frame my understanding of my disease as "I am dying" than to pretend that everything is ok. I hope this makes sense, and I hope you'll come back and visit my blog again; I know I'll visit yours.
Cordially,
X.
Hello there,
I was definitely not like you.
My next show is on denial and I managed to deny having MS for thirty years to everybody, including myself.
I was able to do it because I used the time between episodes to pump my body to the max and jump in with both feet at everything I did.
I'm not sure about setting goals too small either.
If you can learn from your failures, fail big at lots of things.
Big failures can teach us lots of things. All it takes is awareness of what we're failing at, how and why.
There's nothing wrong with failure. Its how we learn.
This was good and will help many. I have never been to one of their conferences, but it sounds like it was worth it.
This post was definitely not long or preachy, but very informative! Thanks for posting.
Copazone sponsor--RED FLAG. Sounds similar to their ads as to why to take and stay on Copaxone. Wipe out that and the rest is always good info. Can I just say, about comment from X, and I haven;t read anthing else between you, but death does become the minute we are born, for everyone. The important thing is how we age (die) with grace or with indignity. Agree not enough research into Autism, but have read more abut it in las 5 years than ever before. Had a school friend whose sister was autistic...now "Autism Speaks." Take care, Diane-
Hi Diane,
In response to the portion of your comment above which was directed at me:
1. I have a blog on here. If you want to actually understand my views (as opposed to simply assuming you do based on a comment I made here), I encourage you to click on my user name, scroll down my profile, and then click on and read my blog.
2. I actually posted in my blog about people who comment to the effect of "Oh, we're all dying." Or: "We begin dying the moment we are born." In my view, these are euphamistic, cop-out phrases designed to brush aside the actual, concrete reality of an individual's death. I feel quite strongly that, in doing so, you rob someone of the dignity they are displaying by attempting to face (and come to terms with) their own mortality.
3. "Dying with dignity" is another such phrase that people use to make themselves less uncomfortable about the notion of death, but which in effect denies the reality of death to the person or persons actually dying.
Cordially,
X.
wow...okay. a diversity of views is good. i'm just a little uncertain of what we are talking about. :>)
Sorry Merelyme,
I am not meaning to distract attention from your post. I just felt compelled to reply.
Hope you are not upset.
-X.
oh no...not upset at all. i just am a peacekeeper type of person and i don't want anyone to feel hurt. you wrote a very thought provoking post and i would like to hear more about your views. i do think you would like diane's blog. she writes very genuinely as you do.
Heya,
No worries. Personally, I am not the type to be hurt by this kind of thing. I'm an academic by profession, and all we basically do for a living is disagree with each other and then forcefully argue our own points until the opponent has given up (LOL).
Thank you for your kind compliment about my blog post.
I will take your advice and check out Diane's blog as well.
Sincerely,
X.
Sounds like it was very informative and interesting.
good advice to any thinking human being, thank you!
There is always more money available for things that affect adults rather than children.
D. XXX
For me, with my MS as well as with my deafness, I have learned to listen to my body and understand my weaknesses. This concept is similar to people with disabilities who have learned to accept and adapt life with their “weaknesses” in terms of their own disabilities. We all have disabilities in one form or another. Most are “invisible” than visible. Accepting may be the most important step toward finding success and happiness.
For the longest time, I thought I have planned and executed my life all by myself but really never aware that my life have always been guided by God. Right now, I am happy where I am because I am having a great relationship with God. This is my quotes I have made in my previous journals: “Okay, I have hearing loss and multiple sclerosis, and those are the ways of life for me. I take silence and pain as come and I have learned master them in my life. My disabilities do not have me. I have the disabilities and I accept them because I know who I am from the inside. Everything has its wonders, even silence and pain, and I learn whatever disabilities and difficulties I may be in, I am happily content.”
I like this quote made by Canadian Mark Pickup (disabled with multiple sclerosis) said, “I have been more service to God disabled than during my able-bodied years. This didn’t happen despite my disability but because of my disability.”
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