i feel quiet lately.
just trying to get my sea legs here after being dismantled so many days. i get one problems solved and another comes to take its place. mostly health issues at the moment.
i'm almost at peace with this MS nonsense. i understand it. but add on anything else and i am damn resentful. it is too much then. and i like predictable. not that MS is predictable...but in some ways it is. it is becoming like my moods. it is an endless cycle.
balance...i desperately want it.
what do normal people do? people who don't have health issues or family who have issues and who have normal moods? what do you talk about? think about? write about? i have no clue. that is a world i have no understanding of.
i don't know if i am a better or stronger person for having all this shit in my life. it just is. you know? it just is. some people wear their pain like a badge but...really it is all about what you do with it.
what am i trying to do with it? easy...fucking survive.
lost my speech the other day...meaning i couldn't talk right. the words that did come out were pressured and sounded like i was drunk or on drugs or something. so i didn't bother to try to talk...i just waited until it passed.
i have been refreshing myself with learning some sign language. i only know a little. but...hey...if my voice ain't working then i got my hands. they better damn well work. see? a solution for everything. i know the basic signs for yes, no, toilet, and help. i refreshed myself with the alphabet as well. perhaps jim can help me with this. now i just have to teach everyone i know my signs in case i get into trouble.
well...anyways...it is sunday. i hope to find no problems here today. if only i could stop the world and just rest. not possible? how about five minutes...i will take that.
Come sit a spell and shoot the breeze. Sweeten the day with a little synchronicity...
18 comments:
Wow.. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Things are tough for you and as I can see from your words, you are a strong woman and you will survive.
I can teach you sign language but I think it is quicker if you write notes when you want to say something. This is better than taking the time to learn while you are struggling.
Remember most MS symptoms are temporary and patience is the key to wait it out.
I will be thinking of you and pray that you will have a better day and better week.
Hugs, Jim :)
what do normal people do? people who don't have health issues or family who have issues and who have normal moods? what do you talk about? think about? write about? i have no clue. that is a world i have no understanding of.
Me neither. because such people don't exist.
We all have health issues and fucking wingnuts for family, MM.
Normal? What the FUCK is normal?
I CAN tell you this: Some of us are damned blessed that our issues pale in comparison to others', and for that we can but thank you for showing us how to be grateful that the burdens we carry are lighter than those of others like you. I know it does fuckall for you. I only hope you can take some satisfaction in knowing that others are able to draw strength from your weakness, and perhaps that is your purpose.
I hope that made some kind of sense. If not, I apologize...
I don't have MS although I have been tested for that and other neurological disorders. I injured my back in July 1986 and lost five years of work. Pain was (and often still is) severe. It dictates much of what I do in life. My decreased activity, I believe led to diabetes as my weight increased from 185 to 210. When I do get my weight down to my fighting weight of 178-185, I use less insulin but I still have. Chronic pain and diabetes dulls many of the joyous activities in life.
That is why I return. I can relate in many ways.
no clue re. 'normal' anything, whatever that means...
good that you are resourceful, having a plan 'b' is superior to 'normal'
You know, I don't think that anyone has NO issues. I certainly do not mean to minimize the struggle you are having but I doubt anyone is normal in the sense that they don't have anything to worry about. At the same time, most of us are blessed beyond our imagination and we routinely fail to realize it!
Continued prayers for you and I hope you have a good day!
I "think" I could live/function without being able to speak...don't "think" I could live without being able to hear. Guess it's all a matter of perspective and we never really KNOW how we will respond until we're faced with it. But MS DOES always keep us wondering about these things, doesn't it? Rest up, dear...
Linda D. in Seattle
I think everyone have some weaknesses, imperfections and struggles in life. I am learning to focus on what I still have and use them, and not on what I have lost or do not have. Sometimes I lose focus and become discouraged. But somehow someone will remind me and bring me back to track. Recently, a friend shared with me that she learned to look at her own disabilities as being "differently abled". So she focus on what she is able to do. Food for thoughts :)
The speech problem is annoying and one often feels they can barely talk coherent at times, but like so much MS it too will eventually fade.
So strange indeed.
I did the same thing when MS screwed with my speech--started teaching myself sign language. After seeing people in nursing homes who can't speak, both my mate and I will learn. But my speech returned and I only used sign with a deaf woman at work. Your speech get better, no worries. Symptoms will come and go; just surf the MS wave.
Oh, and I have never meet normal people...see them on Leave It To Beaver reruns. Normal people freak me out.
Poor you, I am really sorry to hear that you have been suffering again, but hey just think back to how it upset you when you didn't know what it was. You are far stronger now and have plans for coping.
Normal, I too don't think there is such a thing. I know I am a terribly moody guy and I wonder sometimes just how Mrs DeeJay puts up with it
Have NO IDEA what NORMAL is, but I do believe we become stronger people each time we survive a predicament MS throw our way.
Jim said it best, "Remember most MS symptoms are temporary and patience is the key to wait it out." and like Brain Cheese said, REST UP
It will get better soon :)
Above all else ... persevere.
If you'll excuse the less-than-PC terminology, we are all crippled. It is only a matter of degree. Some of us have handicaps that are visible, while others have them hidden from public view. Where is the line that separates normal from not normal?
You are normal. You are a human being, with all of the greatness and sadness inherent in every human soul. Normalcy, I believe, comes from within us, not from how we are perceived by others. Believe in your wonderful self, the part separate from your illness. That is normal.
If you don't mind my saying so, you are quite pretty. From your writing, I see a wonderful soulfulness within that pretty body. You have much that many, many so-called "normal" folks would love to have.
To hell with normal. Love your unique self, and let others worry about normal.
I know it's been said again and again, but I have to pitch my hat into the ring--you can't put a finger on "normal." We're all sick in some way, we're all abnormal in some way, and we all have those days when we could happily climb a water tower with our rifles.
Wait, you don't have those days? Hmmmmm.
and we all have those days when we could happily climb a water tower with our rifles. Wait, you don't have those days?
Naw. Usually it's an RPG launcher, not a rifle...
Note the parts in bold...
nor·mal /ˈnɔrməl/ –adjective
1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2. serving to establish a standard.
3. Psychology. a. approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment.
b. free from any mental disorder; sane.
4. Biology, Medicine/Medical. a. free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation.
b. of natural occurrence.
So who is ever normal?
Boy do I know living on that knife edge. I get so easily over-whelmed and I don't know any other life than struggling either.
We have never been financially stable the whole time that we've been together and it's been about a dozen years!!!!
Hugs.
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