Warning: I am about to talk about... (looks around to see if anyone is looking)
*menstruation.*
I will say it again for dramatic effect...MENSTRUATION
Other names for this monthly feminine folly include: Aunt Flow is Visiting, Checking into the Red Roof Inn, The Curse, Riding the Cotton Cowboy, Clean up on aisle one, and my personal favorite...Arts and Crafts Week at Panty Camp.
Other noted euphemisms for our "special" time can be found here at this site.
Can't help to laugh at two other euphemisms I found for that time of month being... all anal sex week as well as blow job week. hahahahahahahahaha! seriously. yuh right. a man definitely came up with those. you can wish right? :>)
So finally I got my period after it being delayed by almost two weeks. As much of a pain it can be...I did miss it. I was also missing my PMSy self as well... believe it not. As a woman you just come to expect these things as being a part of your world.
I *knew* my time was coming by these special signs:
1. I found myself forlornly carrying a bag of chocolate easter eggs around the house so they would be handy. This was after already having squeezed a quarter tube of refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough into my waiting mouth.
2. I had to turn off my son's Muppet movie where Kermit sings The Rainbow Connection because it was making me cry.
3. I found myself enraged that the lincoln logs were found mixed in with the legos.
4. I began reciting alanis morrisette songs...I'm a bitch...I'm a lover...I'm a child...I'm a mother... and shouting..."YOU OUGHTA KNOW!"
5. I wanted to take that damn downy fabric softener snuggle bear and rip his cutesy wootsie little head off.
So what are your special signs of impending rag time? How about your wife or girlfriend?
Wasn't this fun?
Come sit a spell and shoot the breeze. Sweeten the day with a little synchronicity...
14 comments:
I'm still laughing over the cookie dough squeezing. *grin* I guess I've been around women long enough that I can pick up on the tiny signs--the gritted teeth, the snarling expression, that sorta thing. My great joy was when my best girl and my wife synchronized in some magic, demonic-evil female thing. OMG that was a nightmare.
..becoming incessantly fond of the butcher knife .. despite having no desire to prepare anything for eating ..
..deleting the whole friggin' blog..
..ummm..yeah, the chocolate thing ..
I know the "time" is approaching because first, my lovely wife is ever so in a more "loving" mood, and second, because she suddenly becomes somewhat cranky. It's not that bad for me really... but Honestly, I can't imagine going through that on a monthly basis. You ladies have my undying respect on this as well as on a host of other issues.
I'm glad Aunt Flow doesn't visit men.
Chemically induced menopause from MS drugs...it's the BOMB! And the PMS is gone, too. But let's not talk about the side effects of the medications, shall we??? OR, I might have to borrow FOAM's butcher knife...LOL
Linda D. in Seattle
soooooo glad i'm male, and not cursed! :P lol
have two daughters, though, both in their 20s... so know all about their goings on! ;)
good to see you take a humorous approach to it all, and yeah, 'the rainbow connection' an be teary....
If I ever have to look for another women my only carved in stone is: she must be fully through menopause. My bride took eight years to complete the change and it was not always pretty.
On a lighter note: I worked several years as a supervisor of female inmates. Nothing quite like a dorm full of 75 women all cycling at the same time.
I happen to be "Riding the cotton cowboy" at this very moment. The monthly migraine is my first sign of the impending doom of my cycle. That and the fact that my husband's mere breathing makes me want to strangle him.
Since I'v been in "pre-menopause" for the last 2 years I hope all this ends soon. I'm actually glad I'm in premenopause at my fairly young age (40) because this means the sooner it'll be gone forever!
men having periods...hmmm...that certainly would change world history i am sure. :>)
Chocolate!!! Especially helpful is the crunch of M&Ms.
Empty pit of a stomach which NOTHING can fill for about two days.
And just don't bother me with silly questions...
Been so long ago I don't remember.
BUT, I am crying right now to that Kermit song. I'm a hopeless romantic and very passionate. I'm gonna put that on my ipod. (With Judy and HER rainbow.)
I get incredibly sad or horny the day befor.
'can' be teary... grrrrrrrrrr
I lived with bunch of women (wife and daughters) as well many of my co-workers are women. When I read your post, I can think of more that I noticed. LOL Thanks for sharing.
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