My favorite super hero

When I was a kid I used to collect comic books. But never the super hero kind. I uh...liked Richie Rich, Casper the Ghost, and Archie comics. Give me a break...I am a girl and I was less than ten years old.

But now that I am decades older, I kinda like the idea of super heroes. Especially in the movies. They are making the characters less cartoonish and more...human. The newest Batman movies have an innate darkness to them which I really like. The lead role was given to someone who is a bit dark himself. Spiderman is goofily vulnerable. They have not come out with a superman or Hulk that I approve of yet. But Iron Man! Ooooh Iron Man!

Maybe it is because I have a crush on Robert Downey Jr. (Have always loved him. Remember him as Charlie Chaplin or in Ally McBeal?) but the character of Tony Stark is made for him. I love the dichotomy of arrogance and humility. What I especially like about this character is that Iron Man is so human. He doesn't possess super human powers, he is smart enough to create them from scratch. How cool is that?

And the best part about Iron Man is that unlike other super heroes, he fully admits that he is Iron Man. What confidence! He is also able to admit when he is wrong, turn around and do what is right and kick some ass in the process. What is there not to love?

I am so looking forward to the sequel.

So who is your favorite super hero? What qualities do you like in your super heroes?
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On another note...

If you haven't ever checked out Health Central please do stop by. I feel like the Wizard of Oz or something. Who is that person behind the curtain? I have been diligently working behind the scenes for some time and I have recently accepted the position of being the Community Leader for both the Depression and Multiple Sclerosis sites on Health Central as well as continuing to be a contributor for these sites.

I have never liked the title of "expert" and I am very happy to see this designation go and hopefully soon. I am not an expert and will never claim to be one. I am merely a writer who suffers from depression and has Multiple Sclerosis. I have always been involved with on-line support groups and sites and it feels really good to be a part of this. I would not have been able to survive all that I have survived thus far without the help of others.

So if you are in need of support or need some information or just want to hang out with some new really cool people...come on by to check out these on-line communities. As I was saying in an earlier post, there are a lot of folk on these sites who could benefit from your knowledge, stories, and experiences. You can write share posts, answer questions, or simply lend your support to people who are in need.

My last posts for the sites are still going strong...if you still want to join the discussion it is not too late. We were discussing emotionally abusive relationships and also whether or not there is such a thing as an MS personality.

If you have never read Doctor Deb's blog, I would encourage you to do so. Can't say enough good things about Doctor Deborah Serani. She is a writer, mental health therapist, and blogger extraordinare. It was my honor to be granted a written interview with her for MS Health Central. Doctor Deb talks in detail about how to emotionally cope with having a chronic illness such as Multiple Sclerosis. You can read her insightful interview right here.

Also I am hoping to continue the discussion about emotionally abusive relationships in how to leave such a situation. I am hoping with this series of posts to be able to give hope to those who find themselves in such a relationship and don't know what to do. There are so many young girls out there who will end up being in an abusive situation (such as myself years ago) and I am hoping these honest discussions will prevent this from happening.

You can read my latest post on this topic right here.

T-t-t-that's all folks! See you next Tuesday if not before.

Back on track?

I was looking for an image to go with the theme of getting "back on track" and saw this. LOL It isn't what I was originally looking for but is possibly more appropriate.

Oh to have a boring life!


To have a boring life requires a life of no stress. But this is not possible, least not for me. Sometimes stress can spark creativity. And um...let's see...what else is stress good for? I can't think of any other positive spins on stress can you? Other than...it keeps life interesting.

One of the ways I cope with stress is to read. To my son that is...

My youngest son loves books and here is a few of his favorites. He can just about recite them by heart. Sometimes it gets my mind off of my troubles to read to him.


The first of his faves is a book called "Millions of Cats"

I don't know about you but I can hardly deal with a couple of cats. Especially my kitten. She is still stealing my hair accessories!

Another favorite is Ruby the Copycat.

It is a cute story about Ruby and how she wants to be just like another girl in her class, Angela who wears red bows in her hair. So Ruby begins to wear red bows, wear the same clothes, and mimic Angela in every way. Ruby annoys the heck out of Angela until a kindly teacher points out that Ruby should be Ruby first. Have you ever had to deal with a copycat? In school I was the person who people copied from on tests. And I was also the person to write other people's papers. What a sucker I was. :>)

Nowadays kids can simply go on the internet and cut and paste papers and hand them in as their own. Plagiarism is a whole lot easier to accomplish these days for both kids and adults.

I never really went through the phase of copying another's style or identity. I still remember during my college days...going to a punk club with friends who were all dressed in black. I was wearing pink. They didn't want to be seen with me. I found it amusing that they were trying to be so "different" but ended up looking so alike.

And how about that quote: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"? What are your thoughts?

I think it is just damn annoying myself.

My son's personal favorite though is the book called, Bootsie Barker Bites.



Although Bootsie is portrayed as bad girl....my son likes her. Perhaps that is why he likes her. And Bootsie has the hat and boots fashion statement going for her...along with a good set of choppers. What's not to like?

Speaking of choppers...went to the dentist the other day. Sat there waiting until the receptionist looked confused and told me that my appointment wasn't until next month. Nice. Yet another sign that I am losing my marbles.

But who needs marbles anyway?

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And now for some links....

1. Fact or Fiction? Does the MS personality exist?

If you have ever perused the literature on Multiple Sclerosis you may have come across a term used to describe the temperament of someone who has MS called, "the MS personality." I began to wonder if MS could ultimately change personality and if so, what sort of personality are we supposed to morph into? I would like to think that I am pretty much the same person as I was before this disease. But is this really true?

Do you believe there is such a thing as an "MS personality"?

Please come and join the conversation by following this link.

2. MS and the Circus (posted on Stuart's Site)

Sometimes I can go about my day and not think about my MS. But that is a rare day indeed. Usually a symptom will erupt to remind me that I have this disease. And yet on other days I am reminded of the extent to which my Multiple Sclerosis has changed my life forever. I took my son to the circus recently. To tell you the truth, I have never been so fond of the circus. But my son loves it and so we go each and every year. It can be fun with all the dazzling colors, fanciful costumes, the roar of lions, and the sweet stickiness of cotton candy. But what is not fun is to have to deal with MS symptoms while in such a public and crowded venue.

Want to read more? Follow the yellow brick road...or this link!

3. How to enlist the help of a special education advocate...

What seemed common sense to us was something we had to substantiate and justify. When I handed the members of our meeting both literature and signed notes from our private psychologist and pediatrician to justify our requests, the school psychologist slid those papers back to me across that long table. When she refused to look at the papers and referred to me as "the child's mother" instead of looking at me or addressing me by name, I knew we were in trouble. I felt as though I landed in some episode of the IEP twilight zone.

I was stunned and could not find my voice. It was then that our advocate, our son's private speech therapist, had no problem finding hers. And when she began to speak, the whole table listened including the belligerent school psychologist. I was never so grateful in my life. And half way through this six hour IEP meeting (yes I did say six hours!) it was our advocate who reminded me of why we were there.

To read more of this story please click here.

4. Ten Signs that You May be Involved in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

The following post was a little difficult to write about. It is about the topic of emotionally abusive relationships. I can write about such things because I was in such a relationship for over seven years.

"When I was fifteen years old I met my first boyfriend. He was the class clown and had the ability to make anyone laugh. He was extroverted and charmed everyone who met him including me. What the world didn't get to see is that he was also emotionally abusive. I knew because I was the recipient of his abuse."

To read more...follow this link.

PS. In order to have more time to visit you all I am probably only going to be posting once a week here on Tuesdays. Please stop by to keep me company!

Troubling Times...

The state of our economy is truly hitting home lately. You can't go out your door without seeing empty stores. It seems that in every commercial block of businesses I see at least one empty store front. Linens and Things is gone. So is Circuit City. And so are some of my favorite small restaurants. The malls are beginning to look like ghost towns.

But the absence of stores and businesses seem to be a peripheral problem. These bad economic times are looming ever closer to my personal world and to a person most precious to me.

I am very worried right now. My son's funding may be cut for getting him help. He has extreme special needs and I just cannot imagine how this may effect him if this takes place.

But things usually work out...somehow...by the grace of God in the end.

So much turmoil out there...people losing jobs, people losing their homes, people suffering and in pain because they cannot afford to see the doctor or to treat their physical or mental illness.

Sometimes I just want to crawl under the covers and never come out.

But that is not an option is it?

And so I write...and so I write.

------------------------------------

I am doing a series on antidepressants and weight gain. If you would like to "weigh in" on this matter. (excuse my feeble attempt at a joke) please stop by. Here is the link.

Can what you eat help with some of the symptoms or side effects of having Multiple Sclerosis? I say it can't hurt to eat a healthy diet. I discuss some foods which may help here.

It takes a village...

Hi everyone

Was wondering if I could enlist your help with some reaching out. I am a contributor over on Health Central's Depression Connection and have been reading some of the shareposts over there. There are so many people who are in need of some emotional support. Lately I have been finding more and more people writing about wanting to end things or to hurt themselves.

I know a lot of you have been in that bad place where you feel so desperate to end the pain. Iknow I have been there and it does help to get support.

Just saw this post, for example, today of a woman who is thinking of ending her life.

And there are many posts on the site where people are saying similar things.

If any of you have the time to spare...could you volunteer to give some emotional support to the people who are writing there?

You never know when your words might just save a life.

Thank you so much.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

I have needed this prayer lately. I first truly learned about it when I was doing an internship with people who suffered from mood disorders and drug and alcohol addictions. It doesn't seem to make sense at first...to accept your powerlessness. But in the end...this is how you regain your personal power.

It is also a good way to stay sane.

I read a rip your heart to shreds question on the schizophrenia site yesterday of a mother who lost her son who had schizophrenia because he committed suicide. The question was raw and full of fresh pain. What can one say? What words could bring that woman's son back? There are none. I am adding the link in case anyone wants to offer some words of comfort to her.

I cannot take away another's pain.


I had a bad MS and mood day today. I could have been the poster person for each. My whole right side was convulsing. If this isn't a seizure...I am not sure what is. I don't lose consciousness is the thing. I suppose this could be said to be some bad spams? I don't know but they were violent and frightening.

I can't always control my body.

My son who has autism recently lost one of his aides who works with him. "Too much stress" she says. I almost laughed out loud. He didn't take her leaving him very well and we spent an entire evening as my son cried and screamed in my arms.

I can't always fix things for my son.

So what can I control?

I can keep surviving. I can keep giving. I can keep writing. I can keep on my path. I can focus on the things I can do. I can give up the responsibility for how others may treat me. I can do my very best and forgive myself when I falter.

It is all I know how to do.

I admit my powerlessness in this world.

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I have some writings to share...

1. The following post was so much fun. I did an interview with Andy who has an MS blog and if you can go and pay him a visit. Also here is my interview with Andy which you can find here.

It was such a delight to see Andy's family come to give support...this interview now has a life of its own and at last count...I think there was like 25 comments!

This interview gave me a lot of joy...seeing that it brought this whole family together. I am finding that I love interviewing people more than writing posts sometimes.

Andy...you are a rock star! Thank you again for doing this.

2. Antidepressants and weight gain? Have any personal experiences to share? Is it possible for some antidepressants to make you fat? Indeed it could happen. I explore the wonderful world of mood disorder meds and weight gain right here.

3. I am doing a series about how to be your child's best advocate in school. If you have a child with special needs then it is all the more imperative that you, as a parent, develop a good relationship with your child's teacher. In this article, I tell you how to talk to the teacher and build such a relationship. Please do stop by and share your thoughts. Any insights or shared experience can help others.

4. What does happen during a neurological exam and what sorts of things is the doctor looking for? I tell you about some of these neuro tests here. If you have ever had a neurological exam and would like to share the details please stop by. I am always learning something new from my commenters.

Love it? or Hate it?

In this game there is no in between...either state your love or your hatred for the following things.

Do you love it or hate it? and if so inclined tell us why or why not...

1. Valentine's Day

2. Email Forwards

3. Snow

4. Prescription drug commercials

5. Blogs "written" by babies or pets

6. Bottled water

7. Sushi

8. Reality shows on TV

And now for zee links...

I am going to be doing a series on MS Health Central about tips for everyday living. I will let you know what themes I will be writing about ahead of time and if you wish to contribute any tips along the theme...please do let me know.

My first in this series is about dressing and is entitled, "How to Dress for Success When You Have MS" You like the title? It rhymes and everything. I had some very nice help from our MS community including Denise Coleman, Momdukes, Nadja, and Vicki Bridges for this article. Please do come by to read or to add your own tips. I have always tried to dress for comfort even before my diagnosis. I live in sneakers for example. And thank god ballet flats are in style.

My next post is to be found on Health Central's Depression site where I discuss How to Hire and Fire Your Therapist. I have had some personal experience here. Just fired my therapist a month ago. I am looking for a new one...know anyone? So stop on by...join the discussion. Finding the right therapist can be a formidable task. Tell us your experience.

Talking Pets

Do any of your pets...um...well uh...do they ever talk to you?

My kitten said "hello" to me today. I swear...her meow sounded just like she was saying "hello."

So I went to see if any other kitties had this special talent. And I found one!

Check this out!

Addendum: Oh my gosh...when I played this cat meowing my pets all went nuts. They couldn't figure out who was talking.



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And now it is LINK TIME!

I know...you can hardly contain yourselves. Don't reach for that donut! Read me instead....see I am helping you lose weight. Oh okay you can eat the donut AND read my posts.

Multiple Sclerosis is one weird disease I am telling you. I feel like I could definitely be a subject for one of Oliver Sach's books. In this post I talk about some of my more bizarre MS symptoms. Have any strange MS symptoms? Come and join the discussion right here.

Therapy can be a salvation provided of course that you find a good therapist. What makes a good therapist? What qualities should you look for? And how do you know if it is working or not? When do you make that decision to call it quits with your doctor? In this two part series I will be discussing how to hire and fire your therapist. I have been there and done that honey! Have any tips to share about getting a good therapist or letting a not so good one go? Do come and tell us your experience. You just might help someone in the process.

See ya later! My kitten says "Hello!"

Discussion for the Day: On-line Bullies

I have been thinking about writing an article on this topic as it is such a growing phenomenon in our on-line world.

Used to be that you had to contend with bullies in the school playground or perhaps in later years in the workplace. But now technology has given people the power to harm others through the medium of emails, chatrooms, public comments and so forth. While some people on-line can merely be irritating, some can be downright dangerous with threats, cyberstalking, and even identity theft.

I feel sorry for our children in a way...they are growing up in an age where computers are part of life. And frequently this computerized life comes equipped with cyber bullies. And the effects of such bullying can be devastating to the victim including emotional distress, fear, and at the extremes even suicide.

I have zero tolerance for bullies of any kind. But yet how does one prevent or deal with bullies who can hide behind the distance that the internet provides?

What on-line behaviors do you feel cross the line into harrassment?

What can on-line communities or individuals do to prevent this sort of thing from happening to begin with?

What strategies can one use to deal with on-line bullies?

Have you had any personal experience with being the victim of on-line stalking, harrassment, or bullying?

We live in a technological age where so much good comes from our advances...in the form of obtaining information at our fingertips, being able to communicate with people from all over the world, and to form supportive communities. But there is that dark side to our cyber evolution which reminds us all to keep a watchful eye. It is interesting to note that despite any great technological advances we make, people are still people. There will always be the good and the bad among us. The trick is that with the anonymity of the internet, it is sometimes difficult to know who is who.

To be a grain of sand...

One of my favorite Emily Dickinson poems is this one. It makes me smile everytime I read it.

"I'm Nobody. Who are you?"

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

I have never wanted to be a "somebody" whatever that means. I am a rather solitary soul. I am awkward and shy. I am a true introvert and I relish my alone time.

Just look at this photo from "charm school" an extracuricular class I was forced to take in grade school. I am in the back. I am the one with the blue headband on. :>) We all had to wear them. I remember feeling that the whole thing was stupid and I just wanted to run. The last thing I ever wanted was to be noticed.



I am most comfortable behind the scenes and helping others to shine.

My writing leaves me exposed sometimes, brutally so. I give these artifacts of myself so that maybe it will make some sort of difference. I sometimes ask myself why I do it at all? It would certainly be easier to hide within myself. Actually I have done that. Yet along with my desire for anonymity, I also have an even stronger need for connection. I think both needs can be met with some compromises along the way.

My strongest wish is to be of help.

And I know I suck at it mostly. I am too introverted. I am too needy. I am too powerless. There is nothing like feeling the pain in the world and knowing that your words are...like a single grains of sand. It is easy to think that they don't matter.

But they do.

I have been helped in my life by words. When I had nobody at all I turned to books. When I was being slapped and drug by my hair by a mentally ill mother inside a busy airport I was clinging onto a book. It was the autobiography of Helen Keller. I have no idea why I had that particular book but on that winter day before Christmas. I was clutching onto it for dear life as my mother had a very public nervous breakdown. But somehow that book and those words helped me endure what I had to endure.

I need to write. It isn't a "want to" or a wish...it is a "have to." I cannot survive without writing. Somewhere down the line I discovered that my words had power...that I too could help someone who was suffering. Perhaps it is arrogant to even try. But I do want to...try. Even when it means that...I am slicing into myself...exposing all my weaknesses and vulnerabilites. Even when it means I am public.

But know that I am small. I so wish to be like a grain of sand. I am "nobody" in the spirit of that Emily Dickinson poem.

When I am feeling low I like to read about little Saint Therese. I am not religious in any way but I do find solace in reading about this particular saint. What is so remarkable about her is that she was never known for her "saintliness" but more for her being so very human. She was one of us...small, powerless, and child like.

Here is a particular passage I gain so much sustenance from. I have read it a billion times.

"Ask that your little daughter always remain a little grain of sand, truly unknown, truly hidden from all eyes, so that Jesus alone may be able to see it..." To be a grain of sand is to put on a guise of ordinariness. It is to be anonymous, to choose to appear average.

I have no wish to be a saint. I just wish to be me...to be small...and to serve.

My writing is my path. I hope I won't falter.

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On another note...I have met some wonderful and giving people in the blog world. I wish to introduce you to two of them.

I have had the pleasure of interviewing Doctor Jane Mountain who writes from her own experience about having Bipolar Disorder. I hope that her words of hope will be heard by those who need them. You may find that interview here.

I also have another remarkable interview to share with a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping those who suffer from physical illnesses. I think she is feeling rather down lately about not writing as much and maybe we could encourage her that her words are so very important and helpful to others. Here is her blog and here is her wonderful interview. She truly gave a lot of herself in this.

Please do come to read and/or share. Your voice is important.

Thank you.

Today...

I am proud of America!

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A Winter Wonderland!




WASSUP? Just chillin!

writing for me

i haven't written for me in so long i am not sure if i remember the experience.

i am taking off my formal capital letters and letting my e.e.cummings come out. lol

right.

really i am lazy.

remember spinning as a kid? you just put your arms out wide and you just spun as fast as you could...got dizzy and fell into a giggling heap. i think now if i spun around once i would fall down. i also can't take those amusement park rides which spin. and remember those playground rides that spun...you ran really fast around and around and jumped on. or you would lay down and watch the clouds whirr past in a blur.

i want to make snow angels.

i want to run around a baseball field.

i want to spin.

and i want to laugh.

you ever get this feeling that all that matters is right now? this moment. maybe this is it. what is important? what do we take away from it all?

words, words, words.

so many pretty words. ugly ones too. let's mash them up like mashed potatoes. cover them with gravy and eat them until we puke.

life! ain't it grand?

The Spirit of Kindness Awards

Hey everyone!

One would think I have totally abandoned my blog here. I feel as though I have! It has been a hard week. Just getting over being sick and have had some big writing commitments which I will share in a moment.

But first it is time for some awards! I have been greedily accepting awards for some time and have not had the time to give them back out to others. I am sorry for that and so I have decided to create my own awards. Today I wish to focus upon your kindness.

There simply isn't enough kindness in this world to go around. Some days I am shocked when I do encounter it. Anyways I did want to acknowledge some folks who I feel have gone out of their way to be kind.

Please pick your award! You have your choice from two images.








1. Susan from If you are going through hell keep going: I am continuously amazed by Susan. She can be having the worst day herself and still find time to write a note or say something to cheer you up. She is just genuinely compassionate. Susan goes out of her way to make a difference no matter what is happening in her own life.

Thank you Susan.

2. Paul from Paul is a Hermit: Paul is absolutely the person who would stop whatever he is doing to be of help. He seldom thinks of himself and would rather exert his energy into being nice to others. Paul is very humble but is a fabulous writer. I wish that he would write more! He is an all around nice guy and wonderful friend.

You are very appreciated Paul!

3. Nadja and her blog Living with MS:

Nadja is a young lady who has MS and my goodness she is such an inspiration to me. She is a teacher which I totally admire and although she has this disease...she keeps on living life to the fullest. She never gives up. Nadja reminds me a bit of Susan. Doesn't matter what she is going through...she still comes around to give a bit of cheer despite her own difficulties. Nadja is humble about her own strength but let me tell you that this girl is a survivor. She is going to make it no matter what.

Nadja...thank you for all your kindness.

4. Ian from Or So I Thought: Ian is just the type of guy who has a good word for everyone. Despite the fact that I am not the best fellow blogger...I don't comment as often as I would like...Ian doesn't care...he still comes around to lend support. I believe he would give the shirt off his back to help someone. His kindness shines through loud and clear.

Ian...thank you for your compassion and support.

5. Doctor Nitin Sethi of Brain Disease Blog: I have never met a more amazing individual. This is a doctor who is all about giving back to the community. I have recently had the pleasure of an interview with the doctor which was posted on Health Central. And then he even offered to answer questions from readers. You just don't find that type of kindness too darn often. Heck...I can't even get my neurologist to call me back if I am having a flare up. So the fact that Doctor Sethi is wanting to take the time from his busy schedule to give back in these ways...is just tremendous.

Thank you so very much! You are so appreciated Doctor Sethi!

6. Foam!

My goodness I have known foam for...um...for...forever! Probably as long as I have been blogging and through my many reincarnations. Foam was there for me long before I even was diagnosed with MS. She is another blogger who cares more about others than herself. Doesn't matter if I haven't paid a visit in weeks...she still comes by to check up on me. Foam has quite a following and this is because she is such a good friend to people. I am so glad she has not stopped blogging.

Thank you Foamy! The blog world including myself simply cannot do without you!

7. Deejay from Age is All in the Mind: Deejay and his wife have been blogging for probably longer than I have! Deejay always has a kind word for everyone and always is always full of good cheer. He is always supportive, always kind and never caring to get anything in return.

Thank you Deejay for your continued kindness over the years.

8. Doctor Jane Mountain, Author: I recently read a book called Beyond Bipolar, 7 Steps to Wellness and I wrote about it on Health Central's Depression site. Well no sooner than I did when the doctor herself emailed me personally to thank me! We have had some email conversations and she is the nicest lady! Some published authors are rather standoffish and don't talk to their readers. Not so with Dr. Mountain. Stay tuned because I will be presenting an written interview I just did with her...for Health Central. Kind? YES!

Thank you Doctor Jane Mountain! You are fabulous!

Whew!

I am gonna stop there and tell you all that I will give out way more awards soon. You all deserve one for sure!

AND NOW FOR THE LINK PARADE!

I have been a very busy girl for sure. I have literally been writing my buns off. I will tell you quite honestly that having a schedule and a routine for my writing has paid off. I always thought that I needed inspiration to get in the mood for writing. Poppycock! Just sit your butt down and start writing. It is the only way.

Good things are in store (depending upon one's point of view but of course) but I must zip my lips for now. February could be a good month for me. As I was falling to the ground today due to my MS...yeah I could use something good to happen. That would be nice.

One good thing that I can tell you now is that I will be writing for Health Central's ADHD site about issues pertaining to special needs children. My dream is for them to start an autism site. Keep your finger's crossed. One way to show the need for such a site now is for an interest to be shown in my articles. I really really want to write about autism. There are so many children and adults who have autism and...I want to help. My heart and soul are calling to do this.

So...if you could please stop by to read my first post and/or leave a comment.

My first post is about a case where a 13 year old boy having special needs died while in a concrete seclusion room. This story absolutely struck home with me. This could have been my son. This kind of thing should not be happening.

You may read the first post in my series about how to be an advocate for children who have special needs here.

Next up is a post my editor asked me to write for Health Central's Depression site about Obama's plan to put our health records on-line. Maybe this will surprise you but I am all for it! I am simply a little wary of how it will be done. In the interest of building community I asked some of my fellow mental health bloggers including Susan, John D., and Doctor Deb.

Please do join the discussion and tell us your opinion on this seemingly controversial health care topic.

On Health Central's MS site there is a wonderful Q and A with readers including some of our fellow MS bloggers such as Nadja, Carole, and Lanette. Doctor Sethi, the neurologist, may do this sort of question and answer forum again. I will be sure to let you know when that happens.

I also just wrote an article for Stu's site about how to keep a medical diary. You can view that post right here.

And if you have insomnia...hey...maybe you can read about my adventures taking SAM-e which I feel is way better than some antidepressants or about what it is like to have an MRI.

Yup...I have been busy all right!

T-t-that's all folks!

Cats, Wisdom, and Sickness

Hi y'all!

First of all a new kitten photo of Miss Mew Mew for you....and especially for dear Susan who asks about my kitties all the time. Mew Mew is getting big as you can see but has not lost any of her kitten antics.

Thanks so much for all the advice regarding going from expensive kitten food to adult cat food. She isn't full grown yet so there is time.

What's new with me you ask?

I have been sick! UGH! Just a virus which gives you all the fun symptoms of congestion, sore throat, aches and pains, etc and so forth. Thing is...it is unusual for me to be sick. My super immune system usually keeps such things at bay but the whole family had this so I am the last to get it. And subsequently feeling hot makes my MS symptoms get a crack at me too.

So it was no wonder with all that going on that my mood plummeted. Sometimes when I get depressed I have to first ask myself, "Am I just getting sick?" We are not separate from our bodies. When we feel physically unwell then it makes sense that we will feel poorly emotionally too.

Seems like everyone I know is sick now. Have you had a virus or cold lately? I will give you much sympathy.

Okay so that covers cats and sickness...

Wisdom? You got any?

Been reading a book called "Blessings in Disguise" which was written by a bunch of different authors. I am finding much inspiration from these readings.

One author quoted a verse from Tao Te Ching which reads:

Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.

Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.

I am finding a lot of truth in this message. Everyday I beat myself up for not having done more and I need to just step back from it all. I need to do and let go. And this is true whether I am teaching my son or writing articles or helping a friend.

Sometimes I get caught up in the superficial stuff. I wish to see the results of any work that I do. But the whole matter of living is to be found within the process. We do, we work, we give, we love, and then we let go.

These are just words on a page I realize but I want to live my life this way. And I need to for my sanity.

I am so much more weak in so many ways, much more vulnerable than I have ever been, but I find myself stronger because of it. Does this make sense?

Just rambling...hey...this is what cold meds can do to ya. LOL

This is late getting out to you guys but...

* If you have Multiple Sclerosis or if you are just interested in this topic, Doctor Sethi who is a neurologist will be taking questions to answer through me. So if you have a question you wish to be answered by Doctor Sethi, the neurologist please do so here in the form of a comment or else shoot me an email. I will be posting all questions and answers on Health Central on Wednesday.

* On Health Central's Deprssion site I wrote about how depression can cause you to hide. For me I was hiding under baggy sweats and my own fat. I do understand all about gaining weight and letting yourself go. I talk about how I underwent a long transformation process to eventually discover me underneath all the layers of depression. Read my personal story here.

This year is going to be rockin and rolling as far as my writing goes. I have lots more surprises in store. By next week I will have more concrete things to tell you.

Wanted to apologize to you all (seems like I do that a lot) for not getting around to visit you as I would like. I truly love to read you all and catch up on what is going on in your lives. And sometimes I feel very undeserving of all the support I get from you guys. The thing which helps me most to thrive is to feel that I am a part of a larger whole. I love the interaction and connection between people that we can get through this on-line medium. It is sometimes hard for me because truth is...I am shy and awkward. I find that I am much more relaxed and at home on-line and...this has been an emotional life saver for me.

My cold meds are also making me into a big sap.

Anyways...what I am trying to say is thanks for being out there. It is nice to know I am not just writing to myself. I am glad I am not alone. I hope to give back as much as I have been given.

Feeling like Schleprock

Who remembers Schleprock?

"wowsy wowsy woo woo" I think he was known to say.

I feel like him today. It has been one of those rain all day kinda bleak days. And I have been having MS symptoms all day. I am weary.

Does anybody have anything cheery or fun to impart to me? A joke? A song? An inspiration? I could use it right about now.

Just one of those days I guess.

On another note....

I have written a very serious post about the topic of self harm or cutting. There are so many people who engage in self mutilation as a way to cope with personal trauma. This was one of the most difficult pieces I have written yet as I have some personal experience here. I wrote it because there have been so many young women writing about wanting to stop cutting on the site and I felt I could possibly help through this article. This is why I write.

I would be most honored if you could come to read my post on self injury here.

One of the best blogs out there about brain disorders and diseases is that of Doctor Nitin Sethi, a neurologist based in New York City. Doctor Sethi is nothing short of amazing. He is committed to giving back to the community and was most gracious to grant me the honor of an interview for Multiple Sclerosis Health Central. In addition, Doctor Sethi is willing to answer questions about MS on the site. On Wednesday I will be gathering questions for the doctor to answer so if you have such a question just shoot me an email.

Doctor Sethi talks about diagnosis, treatment, and why it takes so dang long to get to see the neurologist. You may read this very informative and enlightening interview right here.

Top Unanswered Questions for the New Year

In case you slept through it... 2009 is here. I spent New Year's Eve playing rock band with my teen age son. I love that game! I did watch Dick Clark on tv. It is hard to see him that way but I greatly admire him continuing to do his thing. I hadn't realized he was that old...he was born in 1929? You get used to certain things...like Dick Clark hosting the count down on New Year's eve and it is hard to adjust to change. Means I am getting old too.

Okey dokey...

And now to my list of unanswered questions for 2009. Feel free to add to the list.

1. What will Tina Fey do now that Sarah Palin is out of the spotlight (thank god!)?

2. Will the Great Pumpkin ever come?

3. Why don't we have flying cars and robot maids like on the Jetsons by now?

4. Why do hotdogs come 10 in a pack while hotdog buns come 8 in a package?

5. What is in the mystery tupperware in the back of the fridge?

6. Why aren't rainbow suspenders back in style?

7. Who are the people who buy Chia Pets?

8. Where IS Waldo? Has anyone found him yet?

Okay here are two totally serious questions for ya.

9. My kitten will only eat the expensive science brand kitten food that you buy at the pet store. How do I know when to switch her to regular adult cat food and will I have to buy the same expensive brand?

10. What motivation would anyone have for finding a cure for a disease like Multiple Sclerosis when so many companies make tons of money on the medications, keeping us slightly better off but not cured?

And now for something completely different...

I know just what you want to do for the New Year! You want to read my writings. I am psychic that way.

* Have you ever been accused of being a hypchondriac? Well join the club! Read of my medical adventures with an evil eye technician here.

* Are you wondering what I am gonna be writing about on MS Health Central next year? Yeah I am wondering the same thing myself. Here is the direction I wish to take my writing there.

* As much as I feel like a McScrooge sometimes, there is a part of me which holds Christmas dear. This is probably one of my best and most honest pieces of writing about one of my childhood Christmases spent with my mother who was going through a mental breakdown at the time. You can find my Christmas story here.

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know...writing about New Year's resolutions seems cliched but I took a different path with mine this year. This year I have created a list of acceptance. Come check it out here.

* Amd lastly but never leastly (is that a word?) I wrote a special New Year's post for Stu's Site which you may find here.

Lots of exciting things are in store for these coming months...some things I have to keep under lock and key for now but there seems to be a good chance that one of my dreams may be under development....soon.

I hope you all had a great New Years and one of my resolutions is to visit you guys more often. My apologies for not getting around to see you all more often. If I bring cheetos will you open the door? Barbecue corn chips? Oreos? Man you're hard to please!