Soul Food

I am in need of some soul food how about you?

There are days one craves something spiritually nourishing. I often look towards songs, poetry, and books to keep the Noonday Demon (depression) at bay.

When I was first diagnosed with my MS, there was a song on the radio which was absolutely hypnotic. I found myself singing and simultaneously crying to the words of Anna Nalick's Breathe. The refrain is one of the truest things I could hear:

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe"

You can't go back in time. You just have to keep moving forward into a sometimes very frightening future. But in the meantime...take a breath...and breathe. It is all anyone can do.

A good song does this, it speaks to the individual and it speaks to us all. We find our particular message in the global one.

This song helped me to keep going even if it was from breath to breath.

Poetry is made for reviving the soul.

Emily Dickinson does it for me. I love her understated simplicity. She has no airs about her. She is pure and as simple as a smooth stone found in a meandering creek. The water rushes by her and she feels everything. And in return she gave us her gentle words.

I am most fond of her poem, I'm Nobody. It appears, on the surface, to be self depreciating. But in reality, she captures the essence of a true soul, wishing to be small and intimate. There is a special dichotomy for every writer who puts themselves out there. We are public, yet anonymous. There is a private side to the writer which shall forever remain a mystery. Only a select few could ever delve into that core.

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us--don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Joy Williams in her essay on why writers write entitled, Uncanny the Singing That Comes from Certain Husks also picks up on this theme: "The writer is an exhibitionist, and yet he is private. He wants you to admire his fasting, his art. He wants your attention, he doesn't want you to know he exists."

Thank god someone understands this. These are but parcels of myself which I have grappled with for many years.

And finally I offer you some wisdom from a little saint. I am not religious. I am not even Catholic. But I have come to truly enjoy reading about saints lately. I like them because they are...surprisingly...very unsaintly at times. Most of the saints were very extremely human, dealing with all the things we deal with in our day to day lives. They lived and breathed and cried and made mistakes and struggled to find their way.

Little Saint Therese of Lisieux is probably my favorite saint of all. In her Autobiography of a Soul, she illuminates the most amazing strength from being small. She strove to embrace the ordinary, the small, and the intimate over some appearance of being holier than thou. I love her because she was/is real.

There is a small book written about her called, "The Love That Keeps Us Sane" and this was written by Marc Foley, O.C.D. This book is less than one hundred pages but it is packed with sustenance for the soul. I have read it ten times over, I have outlined it, it have secured pages for reading by bending down the corners of the pages. If I am having a troublesome evening, I read it before going to bed to soothe me. I can't say enough good things about it.

Here is but one passage which has helped me immensely and I hope it helps you too.

"What we often choose to fight is so tiny, and we become small in the process. The more we choose to become absorbed in the trivial battles of daily life, the more petty we become and the more our emotional life becomes fixated on things that don't matter.

When I find myself spending a hundred dollars of emotional energy over a ten-cent issue, I try to remember the wisdom of St. Therese and ask myself the question, "Is it really worth it?" Many times I have won an argument but walked away the loser because my peace of soul was lost in the process. In the wake of so many arguments, our ego may experience the momentary satisfaction of having won, but what have we really gained?

When Celine made her profession, Therese made her a coat of arms with this motto on it: "The loser always wins." This motto is applicable to many situations in life. We often win by saying nothing because silence preserves our piece of soul. What good does it do to defend or explain ourselves. Let the matter drop and say nothing...O blessed silence that gives so much peace to souls."

Therese learned that to defend or explain herself in certain situations was useless.

When Mother Genevieve died, Therese's relatives and people who worked for the convent send wreathes. Therese arranged them around the coffin. Sister X said to Therese "Ah! You're well able to put the wreathes sent by your relatives in a prominent place aren't you? And you put those of the poorer families in the background." To this hurtful remark Therese said, "Thank you, Sister, you're right. Give me that cross of moss the workers sent, and I'll put it out in front

."

Therese could have defended herself, but she chose not to. She knew that it wasn't worth it. When someone resents us, as Sister X resented Therese, she is not going to listen. To fire back in such circumstances would be futile. Therese also noticed that she felt despondent and ill at ease with herself after she didn't control her tongue in such situations.

She labeled these feelings as the temporal punishment due to her sin, a sort of psychic residue that lingers in the soul. In short, she lost her peace of soul. Conversely, she noticed that whenever she held her tongue, or recast her words in charity, she experienced peace."

And on that note...I do hope that all of you experience some peace this weekend, whether it be by relaxing the body, mind or spirit. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend.

See you soon....