a habit. a ritual. a part of my being.
to write.
sometimes i am afraid of it, the exposure, the firmness of putting words to paper. thinking and dreaming out loud bears a risk.
i want to say it is well worth it.
we accept things, we take them for granted. we writers think that we can just pull words out of a hat and make them sing. ssometimes there is nothing there and we have to deal with the empty part of us. that part seems to be the most frightening to me. what if there is truly nothing there? what if all my thoughts and feelings have slithered down the drain? what if i have to sit here and endure my own silence?
it is all about perspective of course. at other times i wish to silence the cacophony of images, residue of emotions, and a never ending stream of words. i am either running to or from. i need to settle here...get comfortable with being in constant motion even when still. we all move or are moved. stillness is a mirage. time moves us whether we wish to go or not.
peacefulness. how do i know what it is if i don't experience it?
water. i hear water. for real. my young son is doing something. an accident or mess waiting to happen. always something. my guard is always up. i haven't been able to relax in....ohhhh almost twelve years now. how is that for a very real detail? concrete.
i choose to be here.
does it make it okay? no, not always. life wrings us out like old smelly washrags.
smile. it is all fine. eat a ball of sunshine.....and glow.
9 comments:
Do your best to keep that stream of thought going ... and do your best to try to apply words to those thoughts. Trust me, it's one of the best possible ways to fend off that cognitive degeneration.
I started out as a writer at age 12, published at age 13 for a new magazine called VOICE, then Redbook, then Cosmopolitan, then Ladies Home Journal. I don't think a day has gone by where my brain hasn't had a storyline going on - hollering to get out on paper.
However, my body doesn't always comply. When my hands couldn't move, I used tape recording. When my voice went, I whispered. When my hands became capable again, my brain got things backwards. When that happened, I hired an editor.
It is important for words to find their way onto paper (or a print medium). Keep on ruminating so the words can find a home.
I was diagnosed with MS at age 23, symptoms since age 18/19. Was told NOT to have children, go for the career, make lots of money.
I'm so glad I didn't follow that advice.
RE: autistic son. I haven't relaxed a day since he was born. When his brother came along 22 months later, I gave up the ghost all together.
And I wouldn't change a thing. :)
Anne
I know about not being able to relax.
I also understand what you mean about feeling exposed when writing things down.
Eat a ball of sunshine and glow - i love that!
Yeah...what MDMHVONPA says!
Linda D. in Seattle
i don't remember who said it, but some writer said that writing is easy, you just stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood begin to form on your forehead. gotta keep showing up and doing those things that bring deep meaning to our lives. and thanks for sharing your process with us.
"Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only. "
Plautus
Braincheese: Why is it that MDMHVONPA is so wise? lol
i absolutely adore the way you write.
i adore how you are able to put your thoughts to paper.
hey, and you know...
in the long run
what's a little water damage? ...:)
happy thanksgiving, merelyme!
Writing is an interesting thing to me, I write a lot, a whole lot. Not so much because I want to, I have other things that I would rather be doing.
I write because I'm driven too, or maybe I should say because the cosmos pushes me too.
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