okay so it isn't morning. it is actually early evening here. but nonetheless...i wanted to just ramble a bit for my "morning pages" ala the artist way.
i have concluded about myself that i am, at best, consistently inconsistent. i write myself little post-it notes. i write lists. i write tons of goals. i try to be organized. i try to be disciplined and scheduled.
but...
i must not be wired that way. lol
my rollercoaster moods, my fluctuating energy levels, my crazy life...prevents me from maintaining a consistent existence. and i really want one. some people would be bored with normalcy and sameness. i am striving for it. i want calm. i want peace. i want ritual and routine.
yeah...i am not one to want adrenaline rushes. i have gotten them my whole life just by living my life. i am ready for ease and quiet and....gentleness. no more storms. please.
ya know? can you relate?
anyways...i am trying to create habits and rituals to sustain me psychologically, spiritually, and physically. writing my thoughts here...in this streamy way was to be one habit.
on another note. my blogroll is smaller. people come...people go. some folk take breaks from blogging. all of a sudden there is this realization that...time is short. is this how i want to spend my time? is this meaningful? is it worth it? well...for me....the answer is YES!
some bloggers...i think they don't know what they want and blogging becomes a meaningless obsession...to collect comments and/or people like objects. the bigger the better. for some it is to feed an ego...it is easy to grand stand here. and yet for others...it is a portal to a world of people...who become friends...it is a way to stay connected and to stay sane.
i write here because i love to write and...i really enjoy you all. i like to get to know people in a meaningful way. i get such joy coming here and feeling at home...feeling like someone else is out there who has shared some of these wacky experiences and....can empathize. i am not alone. and likewise...i can give here. i hope i do. i feel my life has meaning because i share it.
let's face it...life is hard. friendships are hard to sustain. here...you don't get to see my messy house...the fact that i am wearing sweats and slippers and...that i have no energy to serve you tea and crumpets.....whatever they are. lol i can come and go here as i please.
i can give you my heart and soul....in words. and this...can be sustaining and fullfilling.
so yeah...inconsistent or not...i want to keep on writing here. and i hope you do too.
Come sit a spell and shoot the breeze. Sweeten the day with a little synchronicity...
11 comments:
i like that you are writing here.
i like coming to visit.
and if i want scrumpets and tea..
why, i can help myself to what's in my house.
now, how's that for a guest?
I used to be a highly functioning, multi-tasking, list keeper...now I'm lucky with MS to find a piece of paper and a pen! But alas, I DO long for those more "organized" days...
Linda D. in Seattle
I think people can be more real here in a sense. When people interact face to face, there's really like 6 conversations going on. What one says, what the other hears, one evaluates, perceives, predicts, and converses all at the same time. Here we can carefully pick and choose our words, be more clear and come across as they really choose too. There's al ot of fake people here and there, but there's many real and interesting ones too. We just take breaks because life and duty diverts our attention for awhile, but it's nice to know that people accept it.
No - I think I've had my rushes too. I want a home. I don't know what all it is about that blogging that feels healing, but part of it is the creating a home. (Not storms.)
I would like visitors to my blog home too, but right now part of the blogging healing is a pressured need to organize where I've been and what the difference now feels like. I don' know that that is as inviting yet as the way you and some others I've found, write.
But I'm hopeful it will become that. Easy, not too long, very real, interesting, welcoming. ...in time. Conversations in time....
Thank you for your writing.
As a Type A person ... yeah. The "my rollercoaster moods, my fluctuating energy levels, my crazy life...prevents me from maintaining a consistent existence." part of my life now is quite frustrating.
I don't want to write here! I want to write at my place. ;-)
Blogging is important to me too. I have a great need to express my thoughts - my hopes, my trials. I want to share with others in ways that will benefit them somehow. If I can help others somehow, my life becomes meaningful. I don't like to be alone with my thoughts. It's so much more worthwhile having thoughts if you have someone to share them with.
I've got to visit here more often, Merelyme. I like how you think and talk.
Hi - I come and visit and read and sometimes leave a comment... oh like this one.
Like you say bloggers come and go but I like to stay for the distance. Seeing people live life and cope with their trials and tribulations makes me realise I'm no different and life and the world are as good (or as bad) to me as to anyone else. It's how I deal with it that matters.
Morning pages are a great tool for clearing the fog, with or without MS.
Having MS and being surrounded by friends and family that can't really KNOW sometimes leaves us feeling isolated. The blog world has really helped and I'm happy to have found you all.:)
I'm a list person to, it helps me feel like I'm getting something done. I start small depending on how I am feeling and add to it as I go along. I'm thankful for finding so many of you bloggers. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to write anything but still enjoy everyone elses reads.
Most of the basic material a writer works with is acquired before the age of fifteen.
- Willa Cather
Post a Comment