I am going as a geisha this year. Anybody else dressing up?
Been writing away and wanted to share some links with you.
I will give a "treat" to anyone who comments on my posts on Health Central! So pretty pretty please come on by!
* Do you know if you have "onionmania"? No it is not a love for onions! If you want to find out what it is come read my article here.
* Are you an introvert? Are you proud of it? Or are you an extrovert who loves introverts? Then come and demonstrate your pride and admiration for introverts here.
* Have you read the memoir, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly? It is one of the best books I have read in a long while and it deeply affected me. Come read my book review here.
I can feel my belly expanding already. The candy is coming. Halloween will soon be here. And of course you always hope the trick or treaters won't take all the candy because you want some...ummm...a lot of it!
My favorite are Reeses peanut butter cups but we can't even have them in the house because one of my sons has a peanut allergy. We usually give them all away. Boo hoo! You know what I like that probably none of you like? Candy corn? Who likes candy corn raise your hand!
Just watched It's a Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. I keep hoping every year that he will come. What do you think the Great Pumpkin looks like?
I just did a video for Health Central, my first ever, where I show one of my MS symptoms. It is true that some people who have Mutliple Sclerosis are sometimes mistaken for being intoxicated. If you stop by to view my video you will see why.
I am hoping that showing what some of the symptoms of MS can look like, I can promote more awareness of what this disease can be like.
So please stop by to see me! My video can be found here.
Way back when, before I had kids, I was pursuing my second Master's degree which was in Social Work. I had to do an internship working with people who were dually diagnosed with drug or alcohol addictions as well as mental illness. It was one of the hardest things I ever did for school. But I learned so much and especially about myself.
And finally...I wrote up a little something for Stuart and his site about my current cognitive issues relating to my MS. My post is entitled: MS, My Brain, and Me.
On that note I do want to apologize if I am not so good lately at returning comments or being so social here. I have been having these congitive issues this month which make it difficult for me to remember things and to think straight. I am so appreciative for anyone who still comes around to read me. You guys are great. I am trying to get my act together here so please keep bearing with me.
So which Charlie Brown cartoon character most depicts your personality?
I was telling a friend that I feel I am most like Lucy and my friend laughed and said no...that I was most like Linus...a hopeless romantic waiting for the Great pumpkin to appear! Just goes to show you that how you feel about yourself isn't always mirrored by other's perceptions of you. Who is to say which is the most accurate.
Who are you most like? Charlie Brown, Lucy, Sally, the Little red haired girl, Marcy, Peppermint Patty, Schroeder, Pigpen, Snoopy, or Woodstock?
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Just wanted to ask you guys to please come visit Health Central to read the interview of one of our fellow bloggers named Amy. Amy's blog can be found here and her interview can be found right here.
Amy has been living with Multiple Sclerosis for over twenty years now so she has a lot of experience with this disease. Amy wants to use this experience to help others who also have been diagnosed with MS. Here is a project she is currently working on to do just that: "I've designed an approach that once developed will be a customizable learning space that caters to each individual's learning needs and preferences. It's called MS SoftServe." To find out more about MS SoftServe and about Amy...please do visit her blog and read her interview. And comments...would be so appreciated!
If you have Multiple Sclerosis and would like me to interview you and post the written interview on Health Central...just let me know.
Also wanted to tell you that there will be a surprise for anyone wanting to see me up close and personal...tomorrow...Wednesday...on Health Central's MS site! Hee hee! Here is my profile link but I will give you guys a direct link tomorrow.
Oh sure...she is sweet when she is sleeping. But when she is awake...watch out! Just yesterday she knocked down bins containing all my son's markers and crayons and pencils. Then she tried to swim in the toilet. She swatted down toothbrushes and also tried to attack the toilet paper.
But last night...was the last kitty straw!
I was sleeping peacefully when I felt Mew Mew crawl under the covers. Then I awoke to feel her little piercing fangs in my behind! She friggin bit my butt like it was a ripe apple! CHOMP! I detached her from her target and threw her onto the floor. What in the world??? She meowed incredulously as if to say, "what's the problem?"
Seriously...have any of you ever had an ass biting cat?
Finally got my MRI scheduled. They called Wednesday afternoon and told me to be ready Thursday morning for the MRI. Nothing like some advanced notice huh?
I don't know what to do. I guess I should shop around for a new neurologist. I like my doctor okay. It is just the damn center where she is located. It is crazy. They do not have their act together and I have been displeased with their services for over a year now. I am not one to whine and complain...takes a lot to get me upset but geez oh man! Enough is enough! Four friggin phone calls to get the MRI which...should have been scheduled.
So...I have the CD with my brain scan on it. I have not looked at it. What would I look for anyway? Bigger holes? More of them? Sometimes you have to trust in the doctors. Even though I don't wanna. A neurologist I am not.
There are two likely scenarios to come to pass. Okay pessimistically there is one.
A. I have more lessions
B. Things are the same.
C. By some miracle I am cured! My lesions are no longer there.
Hey anything is possible right? Right now it is a Schrodinger's Cat scenario...all possibilities exist at the same time. Reality only comes to play when we observe it. Sorta kinda.
Right now I don't know what the reality is...and that's okay. I am in no hurry.
I had this morbid thought the other day while walking around a mall. I looked at each person and thought..."Everyone I see is on a timeline. Everyone has both a beginning and an ending point." God isn't picking on me. Every human living thing will eventually...(cover your ears if you don't want to hear this)...die. Seems like a fairy tale.
In some ways it makes the life we have more precious. We shouldn't waste it. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. This...right now...may be all we get. Personally...I want to go out with a bang! Fireworks baby! Seize the day...all of that.
If you haven't started living...well...now is the time. Bring some happy into your life. Tell someone you love them. Go do the things you really want to do. Life goes by so very fast. I had no idea. When you are young it seems that it will last forever. It doesn't. Make it count. Make it...mean something.
I want to write something just for me...just to get it out.
Okay so I am losing my mind. Bit by bit. Nahhh I know I am being melodramatic. My mind is here I am just not able to think straight.
And to think people use drugs or drink alcohol to reach such states.
I have children who need me. And my mind is fucked up. I used to be sharp and now...hell...I am having trouble conversing...remembering little things...and sometimes big things. I have misplaced bills. I forget what I am supposed to be doing. And I'm tired. I get so tired. But I keep forcing my brain to work.
Yeah I know I don't talk about this too much. It is because it hurts.
People expect me to be the same...to function just as well...to be normal. But I'm not.
I'm not sad. I am just...staring at my reality. Am I scared? I can't go there. I don't have the luxury.
If it were just me...oh hell...I wouldn't care. But my kids. My youngest doesn't understand. He just needs...so much. He will be in my care probably the rest of his life. His autism is...severe. Oh god I worry about him.
I need to fire my neurologist. A simple appointment she said would be made...was never made. If this were the first time then sure. But a year of this fighting the system and I can't do this any more. Four phone calls later and I still do not have my next MRI scheduled. And I get attitude on the phone. Four friggin phone calls and I cannot get the MRI scheduled. When I do get my scan I am going to take my little lesioned self with a copy of my MRI and go to another doctor. They deal with neurology patients...people with Alzheimer's...people with MS...and yet they make everything so damn difficult. I do not understand.
I don't even want to have this MRI. This is the one to see how things have progressed. This is the one where I get big pressure to take the meds.
I don't want this disease. Is that fair to say?
People depend upon me. And once again....I am so damn disappointing.
I keep going, going, going and sometimes every once in a blue moon...I...have to just stop.
My thoughts blow like the seeds of a wish flower into the spiraling winds.
I am not so sure nowadays. What is selling now in non-fiction? Politics, politics, and more politics. Anything to do with going green and the current economic crisis is hot right now.
Otherwise...books about diets and the metaphysical usually do well. Write a book about how an angel told you how to lose weight and get rich in this economy...best seller I'm telling you.
I got a book out of the library...one of the schmaltzy ones about publishing...you know...filled with secrets...secrets I tell you! The book is called Publishing Confidential: The Insider's Guide to What it Really Takes to Land a Nonfiction Book Deal by Paul B. Brown.
The author says things that are commonly known such as the fact that publishers are not the most skilled at marketing books. In the end you will have to be the one to bear most of the responsibility for being both a writer and the marketer of your book.
He also talks about contracts and negotiation. I was terribly naive about contracts and still am to some extent. It is good to slow down, take a deep breath, and don't sign something until you truly understand what you are signing. There is always room for negotiation. And when and if I see another contract in my lifetime I will heed my own advice!
On the subject of money...I have found out the hard way that if it isn't in writing...you are screwed. Assume nothing unless you have it in writing. I also found out that if you are a mere contributor to a book, assume there will be no money coming to you unless you were smart enough to have an amount written in your contract. I have a relative who writes for a living and she said she had to stop writing chapters for other people's books because there was no money in it. In the end the editor gets both the money and the credit. If you are a novice writer like me, however, your contribution can be a foot in the door for other projects and work.
Now let's look at some of the advice given in this book about how it works when you are the author of a whole book being published. Some authors get money up front, Brown says. I wonder how many nowadays.
He says that the best you can hope for is half the money up front when you sign the contract and the other half when the publisher accepts the manuscript...that they have read it, are hapy with it...it is ready to go.
Specifically he says:
"Some contracts say you get half on signing and the other half on publication-and remember that it can take a minimum of nine months from the time you turn in the manuscript in until the book is published. In that case it would be twenty-one months )twelves months to write the book, plus another nine months to wait) until you got your money.
And that is a better deal than the fairly typical offer of one-third on signing, one-third on acceptance, and one-third on publication. And it is certainly better than what is becoming all the rage among publishers (especially if they pay a lt of money up front): one-fifth on signing, one-fifth on acceptance of half the manuscript, one fifth on the entire book, one fifth on publication, and the final fifth six months after publication."
He ends with...the question...do you still want to write books?
That is...even if you do get a publisher to want to put your book out there in the first place!
I think it is extremely rare for anyone to make a whole lotta money writing books. I want to write books for the purpose of helping others, because I have books in me that just need to be written, and for the exposure... hopefully leading to other more lucrative writing jobs. I will not be naive to think that I will make much money writing a book. Motivation is important...you have to know why you are writing.
Here are my questions for you...what has been your experience with signing contracts for written work? Do you believe one can make money by writing books or are there better paying jobs for writers?
I feel discombobulated. I sure hope that is a real word. You know what I mean.
How does one find balance? How does one find peace of mind?
How does one find more chocolate? :>)
I wish I could put equal time into everything I am passionate about but it just isn't gonna happen. I envy those who can put all their time and energy into one magnificent thing but what a toll that must take on everything else. I knew a fellow once who sat down and wrote a novel in less than a month. He took potty breaks and did eat...and did sleep. But other than that...all he did was write. Of course he didn't have a job and lived with his parents so...this was all possible due to his lack of obligations and responsibilities.
Wonder how long it would take me to write a book? A decade? Okay two decades...a decade to begin and then a decade to write it.
What is your passion and do you have enough time to pursue it?
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Speaking of writing...
Had an interesting conversation with a fellow MSer while sitting in a waiting room:
I saw the man while I was in my general practitioner's waiting room. He sat two seats away from me staring off into space. Situated in the space before him was a walker. He looked fifty-ish at most. I didn't think age had anything to do with his condition and I guessed right off that he probably had Multiple Sclerosis. The silence was broken when he said out loud, "I like my doctor. Do you have doctor "X"?" When I replied that I did, we began to compare notes. I then asked if he had MS. When he said yes I responded with a "me too." At that he said a startling thing: "I hate seeing people who are still walking around and have MS."
You can find the rest of this article right here on Stuart's blog.
I also wrote about the process of telling others about my MS: "In what could have been a classic biblical scene, I pointed my finger at God and cursed both God and his decision to give me this disease. I did my cursing on the phone with one of my close relatives. Upon hearing my angry rant, she calmly retorted with, "There is no one to blame because there is no God." It was then readily apparent to me that telling others about my illness would provide a mirror into other's belief systems."
And finally...There's always peach ice cream when the rest of the world is a big 'ol cesspool: Maybe for some people, the phrase would be, "There's always Paris" or "There's always Monday Night Football" or even "There's always naked bungee jumping." But for me the declaration that there is always peach ice cream gives me a feeling of hope.
Mew Mew has just come back from being fixed. Poor thing...she doesn't know what hit her. She is resting now in her little carrier. This carrier has a lot of memories for me. Actually it was designed for a pet rabbit of some woman who lived in California. This lady gave it to my ex-boyfriend to take a cat that he had found on the beach back home to pennsylvania. So then I used it ever since to transport my kitties to different places but usually to the vet.
Two of my kitties would go into this wire and wooden carrier in order to go to the vet and would never return home. The sight of this carrier was one of their last images before being put to sleep. I remember those very sad trips to the vet so I am very happy to see my Mew Mew return... a little dazed but healthy and happy.
There is something about kittens and puppies which rejuvinates a weary soul. I am glad to have this little furry creature in my life. She makes me smile every day.
You have to understand that I am writing under the influence of PMS so I am alternatively happy and melancholy within the span of minutes. And ravenously hungry. Wish I had some brownies. And ice-cream. Oh and chocolate cheesecake.
Before I launch into a rhapsody of my food desires...I want to tell you about some posts I have written.
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First up you gotta see the wonderful interview given to me by our Joan from A Short in the Cord.
Joan is simply a delight. I am absolutely certain you will love reading about her experience living with MS told with both wisdom and humor. You can find my interview of Joan right here.
Have you ever had the experience of being depressed and then being forced into "happy" situations? Like being in a state of depression and having to take the kids to a circus? I write about my sordid experiences here.
Okay onto different topics. I need a break from politics! :>)
I have written some posts recently about my experience with having Multiple Sclerosis. Hey...I think it is almost my one year anniversary of having my official diagnosis. Not something to celebrate certainly but I think I am deserving of a cake. Who can draw a brain lesion with decorator icing? If I didn't find some humor in all this I would surely crack.
One of the very frustrating things about having this disease is waiting for the damn doctor to be able to see me! I am sure this is not an uncommon experience for anyone dealing with any sort of medical issue but...the fact that neurologists are specialists...their time seems especially hard to get.
Here is a little song I wrote about waiting for an appointment with the neurologist. You can read my whole post about this topic here. Feel free to join the conversation and tell your own sordid stories of waiting for the doctor.
Losing my Myelin (Sung to the tune of REM's "Losing My Religion")
"My lesions are growing bigger!" "They're bigger than you" So won't you please help me. The lengths that I will go To get an appointment with my neurologist Oh no I've said too much I set it up
That's me in the waiting room That's me pleading for an appointment Losing my Myelin Trying to keep up with you And I don't know if I can do it Oh no I've said too much I haven't said enough I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard you had an opening I think I thought I saw you try
Every time the phone rings Of every waking hour I'm Waiting for that cancellation Trying to keep an eye on you Like a hurt lost and blinded fool Oh no I've said too much I set it up
Consider this The slip that brought me To my knees failed I wasn't drunk I'm having an MS exacerbation Will someone please call me With an appointment I thought that I heard you laughing I thought that I heard your nurse ring me I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream That was just a dream
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Have you ever wondered what the day to day life is like for someone who has MS? Well if you already have this disease please join in telling people your story. Everyone who has Multiple Sclerosis is different in how their disease manifests and in how it affects their life. You can read about my unique experience dealing with the day to day challenges of having this disease here.
I will be back with more of this and that...you betcha by golly! *wink*
Gee...could she have used this word more often? We could make a drinking game out of it.
Let's see...the definition of a maverick is: An unbranded range animal, especially a motherless calf; it can also mean a person who shows independence of thought or action; a lone dissenter; a non-conformist or rebel.
Right.
Isn't that what you think of when describing McCain and Palin? Oh yeah I sure think of rebels when I see those two. Mmmm hmmm. McCain has voted at least 90% of the time with Bush. Need I say more?
Biden rocked it. There is no question he won this debate. The soccer mom joe six pack references...they are wearing thin. Palin had absolutely nothing concrete to say in answer to the questions given. All of it came across as little rehearsed speeches. At least she didn't do the deer in the head lights thing which is consistent with her other interviews. She survived. But that seems hardly good enough when we are talking about the future Vice-President of the United States.
How are McCain's policies any different from Bush's? As Biden accurately pointed out...we haven't heard...and especially in tonight's debate.
One last word...I promise...okay I don't promise. But the whole "Joe six pack" image cracks me up. We voted Bush into office twice because...hey he would make a great drinking buddy! No...we don't need a drinking buddy. We need someone to lead. Sarah Palin...a heartbeat away from the Presidency? Scary? If you aren't scared by this then maybe you have been drinking a few six packs.
Seriously...
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This just in...I have a link to a blog post you gotta see about "white privilege" in America...good stuff.
In this tough economy it is good to think about ways to make a little extra cash. There are quite a few web sites out there who will pay you for doing what you are doing anyway...interacting and communicating on the internet.
Over this past year I have been collecting links of sites which offer to pay you for writing, socializing, playing games, or even taking surveys. I have not looked into any of them aside from collecting the links so I am in no way endorsing any of them.
There is only one from my list which I am very familiar with and can tell you what it is like and that is a web site called Gather. Love this site! You post pretty much whatever suits your fancy, make comments, just like you do on any blog platform and you get rewarded for it through cash in your paypal account or gift cards to stores like Border's bookstore or Home Depot. You are not going to make a lot there but enough to buy some books or some Christmas presents. You accrue points by being active on the site. When I began and was semi-prolific I was able to make about four $25 gift cards in a month. It isn't a ton of money but hey if you are writing anyways...might as well get a gift card for it.
Here are a list of other sites which reward you with money or other rewards:
On another note....been writing some personal essays this week about what it is like to have Multiple Sclerosis.
This post captures a day in my life, well actually a morning of trying to help my kids and also deal with an episode of MS.
This next post is entitled, There is Never a Good Time for MS. A young woman in her twenties with four children at home under the age of five and newly diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis was the inspiration for this article. Please do stop by Stuart's site to read.
And lastly my trips to the well as I call my bouts of depression sometimes leads me to some philosophical conclusions. You may read my thoughts here.
I know these are really trying times for all of us. Please reach out if you need to. Whatever you are going through there are others who can help. Hang in there!
This song makes me cry...and especially in light of the current state of things in this country. I love Kimya Dawson.
Loose lips might sink ships but loose gooses take trips to San Francisco, double dutch disco, tech. TV hottie, do it for scottie do it for the living and do it for the dead do it for the monsters under your bed do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom broken hearts hurt but they make us strong and
[we won't stop until somebody calls the cops and even then we'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened X2]
we're just dancing, we're just hugging, singing, screaming, kissing, tugging on the sleeve of how it used to be how's it gonna be? I'll drop kick Russell Stover, move into the starting over house and know Matt Rouse and Jest are watching me achieve my dreams
and we'll pray, all damn day, every day, that all this shit our president has got us in will go away while we strive to figure out a way we can survive these trying times without losing our minds
so if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you if you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you if you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead send me an IM, I'll be your friend
shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams are seeming more and more worth fighting for so I'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation and I'll say fuck Bush and fuck this war my war paint is Sharpie ink and I'll show you how much my shit stinks and ask you what you think because your thoughts and words are powerful
they think we're disposable, while both my thumbs opposable, spelled out on a double word and triple letter score and
[we won't stop until somebody calls the cops and even then we'll start again and just pretend that nothing ever happened X4]
we're just dancing, we're just hugging, singing, screaming, kissing, tugging on the sleeve of how it used to be
Here is yet another reason to NOT vote for McCain...as if we need more reasons. This one involves musical tastes.
According to the October issue of Psychology Today, one of McCain's favorite groups is the Swedish disco band from the 70's, ABBA. That's right. And if elected "McCain says he'll make ABBA ring forth from every elevator in the White House."
Sounds like torture to me.
What music does Obama like? The Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springston, Charlie Parker. Sheryl Crow, Yo-Yo Ma, and Jay-Z. Eclectic, diverse, and interesting!
Opinionated am I? Yes.
ABBA? Seriously? I can see McCain singing Take a Chance on me...
"If you change your mind, I'm the first in line Honey I'm still free Take a chance on me..."
