The stuff in my mind...

Life seems...surreal lately.

It is like this big motion picture...you are a part of it...but you are also watching it as the film moves along.

What will happen next? Am I the main character or simply a bystander?

Read a book recently about a CEO who had 100 days to live. He had the "perfect death" where he planned out everything. And also wrote a book. Useful to the very end. I have decided I don't want a perfect death. I want real. This guy asked things at the end like "why am I here" and "what is my purpose?" but...I have been wondering these things since I was ten. I am always living like I am dieing.

Always been afraid of death. But now...I can sorta see it...understand it as a part of life. Had a friend who I confided in that I feared death and she says to me, "Wouldn't you, at some point, be ready for a new adventure?" I laughed out loud at her optimism. Death as a new adventure...well okay then!

Not sure how I got on such a morbid topic. Maybe it is the fact that yes....I want to live fully now...truly understand what is important and what is not.

So many people out there are not right in their mind...delusional. I have never had the pleasure of a delusion. Wonder what that's like. I am glad I am not that way despite how difficult life and reality can be.

I am glad I am alive. Grateful for the opportunity. The chance to help people. The chance to help myself. Even the opportunity for more pain...and subsequent growth. It is all good.

Hello world! I am here.